In my life, I've been thin and I've been heavy. I can't tell you exactly which one is better, it's ultimately all up to your own personal preference, but being thin doesn't make life amazing automatically. Reaching that magic number on the scale doesn't immediately make aspects of your life better. Sure, on the outside you might look the way you want. People may envy the way you fit into jeans or how you look in a bikini. But on the inside, it takes much more.
When I stopped playing sports, I told myself that I was fine as long as I hit the gym a few times a week. But after foot surgery made me immobile for 3 months, I suddenly forgot how to live an active lifestyle. I stopped going to the gym as often until I was no longer one of those "regulars" you see all the time. I ate exactly the way I had before, except I wasn't doing enough physical activity to keep my figure slim. Slowly but surely, I began gaining weight.
Part of my weight gain was due to a thyroid issue (which should absolutely be checked out by a doctor if you suspect you may suffer a similar problem), but it essentially was the way I used food to cope with my emotions and my inability to stick to an exercise routine. I had gained about 60 pounds at my heaviest, but I pretended that everything was fine and told myself I'd start seriously working out in time for summer. But after 2 years of denial and covering up my body in loose clothing, I had had enough.
Starting in January of 2017, I decided I was ready for a change. I began going to my college gym 3 to 4 times a week and started Nutrisystem, a diet program that sends prepackaged meals to your home to aid in weight loss. Today, I am 30 pounds down and closer to where I want to be. People tell me, "you look so good!" and "I'm so jealous of your body," but it's made me realize a few things.
1. You're still the same person on the inside, if even if your outward appearance is different.
Even if the scale says otherwise, you are still you. You are not a better person for being thin and you are not a worse person for being heavy. Who you are on the outside may attract people, but who you are on the inside is what attracts the right people.
2. People may treat you differently
When you're thin, you tend to be overly idolized. It's as if you possess the secret recipe for happiness in the palm of your hand, but this is not true. I've noticed that when I weighed more I didn't get nearly as many compliments as I do now, whether in person or on social media.That's fine, maybe you're thinking I'm overanalyzing the situation. But for some reason, being thin is respected. Yes, I worked my butt off to be where I am now, but I am still the same person I was before.
3. You may have a love/hate relationship with your body
Even though I have dozens of pictures to prove my body's transformation, I still have moments where I feel like all my hard work has been in vain. I get fixated on the numbers on the scale or I get frustrated that I can't look like one of those models online. It happens. There are days where I stand in front of the mirror and observe every angle of my body. Depending on the day I'll admire myself and feel proud, but on other days I'll be critical and call myself every insult possible.
Overall, being thin doesn't automatically make your life amazing. You don't suddenly find the right group of friends, say the right things at the right times, get hired for the right job, or enjoy life the right way. An amazing life is determined by your own will. It's all up to you. I truly believe anyone can find happiness being any size, not just in size 00 jeans.
