They call me sensitive. They say they have to watch their words around me, because the wrong words send me into a pit of pain. I hold a grudge, because I can't get over what somebody said when they were mad. They say I can't take a joke, but thats because picking on me isn't funny to me. They call me weak because I don't stand up for myself and fight back, because fighting with people I love isn't something that's fun doing. They say I'm controlling because I want to talk it out right away. They say I'm obsessive because I want everything to be okay between us.

My mom says I play the victim. She tells me that somebody does something to me, and I just act innocent, like I did nothing, and act hurt. And maybe that's what the world sees too, that I always think I'm the victim. But that isn't the case. I know it takes two to tango; I probably did something to piss them off too. If they hurt me, there was a reason, and I probably unintentionally did something wrong. I will apologize, even if I don't know what I did wrong, and I will probably be the first to apologize.

But Mom... I'm not playing the victim. I'm doing what you taught me to do: treat others how I want to be treated. Why don't they treat me the way I treat them? I'm showing them how I want to be treated. Why do my "friends" call me a bitch and laugh when I would never do that to them? Why did he call me crazy, when I think so highly of him? Why did she tell me I'm soft because I didn't yell back when he called me crazy? I don't want to fight, mom, so I try to do what you taught me. I try to take the high road, to apologize for what hurt them. But why do their feelings matter more than me?

And can somebody please tell me when it become okay for friends to call their other friends a "bitch"? When did it become okay to lash out on somebody and say hurtful things to somebody, just because you're mad at them? What ever happened to treating others how you want to be treated? To caring about somebody more than yourself that you can choose your words wisely, or walk away until you calm down?

You can call me weak, but that isn't it. Your words hurt, because I care about you. I take you seriously, because I want to be taken seriously. I don't call you a name when you lash out on me, because I don't want you to call me something. When you come at me with blades and ready to fight, and I let you beat me down, it's because I don't want you to feel the way you make me feel.

I don't want you to cry yourself to sleep, or have to sit in the bottom of the shower because you're crying so hard you can't stand. I don't want you to be afraid to be alone, trapped in your thoughts because somebody you thought loved you told you to fuck off. I don't want you to have to look away from your reflection because you think everyone hates you, and that hurts. I don't want you to think that you have nobody, like you make me feel, because at the end of the day, I want you to know that you have me. Even though you treated me like shit, I don't want you to be alone. Because one day, instead of having nobody and thinking about ending your life, you will remember that you have me and I'll be there for you. Even if you don't deserve it, I'll be there.

Because at the end of the day, that's what I want. And maybe, just maybe, if I treat everyone how I want to be treated, just one person will treat me the way I want to be treated one day.

They call me sensitive, weak, controlling, obsessive and a victim. They say they have to watch their words around me, and that I can't take a joke. But I'd rather cry myself to sleep every single night for the rest of my life than know that I hurt you the way you hurt me. I think that's pretty strong, if you ask me.