“There are no good kids.” That is the most truthful statement I’ve heard in a long time. It is also the most important lesson people need to learn from “13 Reasons Why”. I’ve read several articles about the Netflix Original Series, most of them are in praise of the show and others detest the message that is being put out there. I fall somewhere in the middle. My initial reaction to the show was that it was trivial and perpetuated my very strong belief that teenagers who commit suicide because they were bullied were doing it as revenge. It wasn’t until Clay’s tape and the ones that follow, that Hannah starts listing for lack of a better word, “genuine” reasons for her suicide.
Who am I to say that her reasons weren’t “genuine”? What qualifications do I have that make me and expert? Technically the answer is none, but I did work at a psychiatric facility with teenage girls ages 11-18. I also got a Bachelor’s of Science in Human Service and Management, with the intention of working with teenagers to help guide them through the torture chamber of life known as adolescence. Lastly and probably the most important reason of all is I’ve attempted suicide; I know what it feels like to reach that point. So, with all my history, as I watched the show I kept feeling like the logic was off.
“13 Reasons Why” wasn’t truly a story about a girl who wanted people to know why she took her own life. It was a story about a girl seeking revenge, and a glorified Public Service Announcement about the dangers of bullying. Shortly after the series, I purchased the book because I knew there had to be more to the story. I’m currently on Cassette 4 side A, and between the seven-page author introduction and the first 3 tapes, I learned a few important details that shed some light on the dark and shady parts of the series.
First, in reading the book I learned that Mr. Porter wasn’t properly prepared to handle what was going on in the school because he was an English teacher. That tidbit of information totally changed my view point of him and his behavior. The man was pulling double duty as an English teacher and filling in as the guidance counselor until the school could hire a new one. The second factor that struck me as essential to understanding the characters of “13 Reasons Why” is something Jay Asher said in the last paragraph of the introduction of the tenth anniversary edition of the book. “I wrote a book. I wrote it as honestly as I knew how, and people responded to it. They shared it, and they shared its message. But it is just a book.” This was important to me because it proved that he didn’t write the book as a social commentary on teen suicide or bullying. Jay Asher just created a really good story and the readers added their interpretations and political agendas to it.
Which leads me to my next point. People need something or someone to blame, and the current scapegoat is bullying. However, under the current 21st century definition of the word, everyone falls under some category of bully. It also supports Clay’s statement, “Maybe there are no good kids.” Everyone at some point in their lives have been picked on, teased, or been made fun of. At some point everyone has done this to someone else. It’s a natural part of life. The reason one kid commits suicide and another one doesn’t, has nothing to do with how much they were bullied. People don’t kill themselves because someone makes them cry, they kill themselves because they have a chemical imbalance. Depression, anxiety, paranoia, etc. can make you feel alone in the world. You lose your sense of reality; it is a constant struggle between the words and actions of othesr towards you and the way your mind twists and warps everything into a convoluted version of reality. To quote Hannah Baker, “At some point, the struggle becomes too much- too tiring- and you consider letting go.”
I remember being at the hospital while I was getting my stomach pumped, and I kept begging the doctors to just give me something to sleep. Then came the never-ending questions: why did you do this; who hurt you; did something happened that made you feel like this was the only option? My response to every question was “No, I was just tired and the only people that ever truly get to rest are dead.” I just wanted some rest. I was tired of fighting the battles in my head.
Yes, the rates of suicide are increasing and yes people should try to be nicer to each other. However, what people need to start doing is go behind the superficial reasons for a person’s suicide, and accept that a bully didn’t make that person kill themselves. The cause was most likely a chemical imbalance that was ignored or not properly treated. I was surprised to learn that The Center for Suicide Prevention and Research at the Research Institute at Nationwide Children’s Hospital have done studies that suggest the increase in suicide among young girls was caused by entering puberty at an earlier age, not bullying.
“13 Reasons Why” is a great story, but that’s all it is. The only real lesson is the fact there are no good kids, so blaming or focusing on bullying and anti-bullying campaigns are a misuse of energy and resources. Everybody is a bully to somebody. We need to focus on teaching people how to spot the signs that someone may be suicidal and how to get those people help. Suicide hotlines are great, but by the time a person reaches the point of calling, their mind is already made up. We need to focus on how to prevent people from getting to that point and stop playing the bully-blame-game.
