The 'Mean Girls' classic -- "Raise your hand if you've been personally victimized by Regina George."
Now consider this -- Raise your hand if you've been personally victimized by a person who claims to support your best interests, yet is actually selfish with hidden motives?
This description can cover a broad range of individuals throughout our lifetime, but the particular type I speak of is the "guy friend." Now, clearly this isn't only limited to males; women are included as well. But since I am a woman myself, my experiences reflect that of male encounters. Women with brothers are often more prone to befriend guys due to their male-sibling companionship. Yet, whether or not a woman has more male acquaintances and friends, our female friendships tend to have the most longevity.
This is because, more often than not, opposite-sex friendships are based on falsehoods. Women, here we are thinking, "Oh finally! A guy who actually likes talking to me, for me." They seem to have recognized us as genuinely kind human beings; therefore, you enjoy their company. But you see... this is where the problem lies. In today's society, kindness is so often misinterpreted as a mode of flirtation. Guys, when a girl smiles and says "hello" to you, this does not mean she wants you. And ladies, when a guy compliments you, it isn't because he wants to date you. It is a simple chivalrous gesture. Don't flatter yourselves, for there are plenty of courteous folks out there who are just friendly individuals, raised with manners. That's all.
And now, this leads me to the "friend zone." Let me start by saying this -- there is absolutely no such thing as the friend zone. In fact, the words of Joshua Zavadil spell it out perfectly:
"The 'friendzone' is designed by bros to soften the blow to an ego. It doesn't exist. A human didn't feel the way you did. Keep it moving."
When a person says to someone, "I'm sorry but I don't feel the same way about you" or "Wow, I didn't even know you felt that way for me" or what have you, immediately we're prone to say, "Ha! Dude, she put you in the friend zone." No. She kindly put you in your place and expects you to act like a mature adult about it and move on.
But, this isn't how most people take it. Either they continue to persist, or they blame the other person for not reciprocating the feelings. In which case, both are morally wrong. In one instance you're completely disrespecting the other person and can't accept "no" for an answer. While in the other instance, you are caught in self-pity and honestly didn't deserve their friendship or affection in the first place.
Every now and then, I come across words of wisdom on the internet and I would now like to share them with you. This thoroughly addresses the "friend zone" falsehood from the woman's viewpoint:
“[Women] are not games to be won. They have their own minds and hearts and they don't owe you a relationship just because you're attracted to them.
And if you don't value friendship with a woman, you don't deserve anything beyond that anyway.
The statement "she put me in the friend zone" implies it’s a bad place to be, and you don’t belong there. This implication rests on the assumption that you have the right to be in the ‘romantic zone’ regardless of how the woman feels. And that disregard for the wants, needs and basic humanity of a woman you claim to like…is misogyny. It might help to consider that some spurned men become stalkers and attackers. Reinforcing the myth of the friend zone emboldens them.” - David Slack
Can I get a "HELL YEAH?"
On behalf of all the women (and men!) who have been immorally used as a metaphorical throw rug by those who have complete disregard for another's feelings, emotions and boundaries...I'd like to end with this:
It is not right to prey on the nice girl. It's a worn out card and we're sick of it. When you befriend a female, hopefully there isn't a hidden motive at the core. A friendship is a friendship. Kindness that is not genuine in the hopes of advancing into something more than friendship is selfish and frankly disrespectful. You will only disappoint her and lose a good person in your life. So watch out guys the next time you try to pull that act on a nice girl who has shown you nothing but kindness.
