There Is No "One" Love Of Your Life

There Is No "One" Love Of Your Life

Why the idea of finding "the one" is a harmful myth that sabotages real relationships.
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A friend recently asked me when I knew that my husband was "the one." I didn't have a good answer for her.

For starters, I don't really believe that there is such a thing as "the one." I believe that there are a multitude of people out there in the world that I could be happy with. Obviously, the level of happiness would fluctuate depending on the person, but mostly depending on the level of effort that we put into the relationship. My marriage philosophy is that you have to roll up your sleeves and make it work. So many people these days seem to have the attitude that when the going gets tough, give up.

Granted, your affection for someone will impact how hard you are willing to work. Another factor that plays into how hard you work is your level of happiness (a happy person is more motivated to make it work, to show signs of affection, to amp up the romance, etc.), so the whole schematic is made up of interdependent variables.

That being said, I love my husband and he is "the one" for me. I say that, contrary to my previous statements, because I married him. I chose him out of the multitude and decided to make it work with him, ergo making him "the one" for me. Do I believe that I could be happier with someone else? No. Because being happy is subjective. My happiness would be different with someone else. It's like apples and oranges.

But back to my friend's question: I never consciously came to the realization/decided that my husband was "the one." We started dating in my freshman year of high school and, at that time, I was just excited that a boy liked me. A senior boy [insert giddy emoticon]. We kissed, we held hands, he walked me to class, we went to prom, he graduated, we had sex over the summer, I went back to school, and we just kept dating for the next four years.

Our relationship was comfortable and at no point during our fights was the question "should we break up?" ever raised, so we stayed together. We talked about our future and the idea of moving in together, but not of marriage and babies, until my dad told me that he "wouldn't be able to support me" if I moved in with him out of wedlock. So archaic and ambiguous.

But it got us talking. There was no real reason not to get married other than the cost. So we got engaged. Four months later, we found out that I was pregnant. Fortuitous, right?

It's not exactly the most romantic story in the world, but I'm really happy. I love my husband and my daughter. They are "the one" family for me and I'm "the one" for them because I try everyday to do right by them. Basically, my advice is to not overthink it. If at the end of the day, you are still willing to try, they're "the one."

I don't know if this will help anyone navigate and evaluate their own relationships, but I hope so. Please share if it does.

Cover Image Credit: Quotes Gram

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it

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Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

Cover Image Credit: wordpress.com

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Goodbye School, Hello Real World

I'm ready for ya!

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It's starting to hit me.

I've been in school, year after year, since kindergarten. Maybe even pre-school!

Now, I'm about to graduate with my bachelors in communication and I couldn't be more proud of myself. I'll say it. I often sugarcoat it or suppress it but d*mn it. I'm going to applaud myself. It was hard work. It took a lot of motivation, determination, (caffeine), and willpower to get to where I am today. I worked my ass off.

That being said, I can't help but think... What is life without due dates? What is life like without scrambling to turn in an assignment that's due at 11:59 PM? What is life like with actual sleep? Sleep? I don't know her.

Like I keep telling my boyfriend and my parents, I don't have it all figured out. At least not right now. But I will, and I'm in no rush to land my dream job right now. If anything, I want to take a year to myself. I want to travel. I want to sleep in if I d*mn well please! I want to read as many books as I want. I want to write till my fingers fall off (OK, maybe not that).

You get the jist.

I'm free. I can do and be whatever I want. And you know what? That's terrifying.

I'm lost. I've followed this structure for so long. Now what?

I don't have all the answers yet. But for now, at least right at this very moment, I'm so thankful to have been able to receive such an amazing education. And to be able to say I'm graduating with my bachelors in communication at 21 is an accomplishment in itself.

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