“It’s the hardest thing to give away. And the last thing on your mind today. It always goes to those that don’t deserve. Forgiveness.”
These are the first few lines of the song “Forgiveness” by popular Christian artist, Matthew West. Forgiveness is something that people struggle with on a daily basis. The fact is that humans are imperfect, they make mistakes, they screw up and these screw ups and mistakes hurt other people. We want to blame outside causes such as stress or a busy schedule. However, deep down, you know that you are at fault and that you need to take responsibility for your actions.
Over the past semester, I have done some things to hurt some people that I call my friends. They seemed meaningless at the time and I became jaded to my actions. I couldn’t even hear the words that I was saying and how they were tearing others down. I am not that person. I have never been that person and I will never be that person again. I started to notice my friends drifting away and at first, I didn’t know why it was happening. I knew that I had two options. I could let them drift away and lose some really awesome friendships or I could ask them why. The conversation lasted nearly three hours and it was really painful but I am really glad that it happened.
I asked forgiveness from those that I have hurt and I am now in the process of regaining their trust. Forgiveness is hard to give but even harder to ask for. You have to let down your defenses and allow yourself to listen to the hurtful truth even when you might not agree with it. You have to be able to discuss and clear up confusion and set misunderstandings straight. You have to let yourself be vulnerable. It hurts a lot but the relief that you will feel afterwards is indescribable.
Being on the other side of forgiveness is not easy either. Forgiving someone today is not as easy as the “I’m sorry” that your mom always made you tell your sibling when you were little. Forgiveness is more than the words that are exchanged. Forgiveness is a change of heart. It is acknowledging that the person hurt you in some way but you have acknowledged it, worked it out, let it go and moved on with life. The slate is clean.
When you choose to not forgive someone, those negative feeling morph into a grudge. Grudges are stressful and unhealthy. Often times the person that you are holding the grudge against does not even know that you are holding a grudge againt them. This means that the only person that you are causing distress is yourself. I understand that not everyone will get along and that is perfectly fine and as long as there is mutual respect for the humanity of each person, all is well.
If someone is hurting you or someone close to you, do not be afraid to approach them. Take the first step even when you believe that they should come to you first. There is a chance that they are unaware of the pain that they are causing. Calling out the actions takes courage and is very difficult but it is also important to recognize that nothing will change without someone having to guts to speak up.
Do not forget to forgive yourself. Everyone does things to hurt themselves whether it’s participating in unhealthy behaviors, neglecting your physical and mental needs or your body. There are even times when a feeling of guilt lingers even after forgiveness is granted to you. This comes from failing to forgive yourself for your actions. Forgiving yourself is a type of forgiveness that is often overlooked but it is just as important as the other two types of forgiveness.
The last line of “Forgiveness” is: “It’ll clear the bitterness away. It can even set a prisoner free. There is no end to what it’s power can do. So, let it go and be amazed. By what you see through eyes of grace. The prisoner that it really frees is you.”
I was a prisoner without even knowing it but I am now free and I will not allow myself to hurt people in that way again. I am not promising that I will not screw up again because I am human but I will always be ready, willing and able to ask for forgiveness.
