“Listen to me this is not who you are” The mirror wasn't meant to be a curse. It wasn't meant to judge or to project a cynical image. Yet there I stood staring at an image that didn't reflect me, or rather who I wanted to be. I couldn't fathom why I didn't recognize the person looking back at me; the truth was somewhere along the line of time of losing faith and confidence. I molded myself to what others wished to see in me rather than what I wished to see in me. I failed to realize that my opinion was the only one that truly mattered. I failed in believing in myself.
I push my back against the rackety old slide and start to fall slowly till I'm on the floor. I am wearing my favorite pink sundress that had sunflowers on it, it should have been a good day. Yet, I can't help but feel the wet tears slide down my face. It rained yesterday and the ground was still wet so the mud seeped through the dress but I couldn't bare to move. The boys tormented me all day with their vicious name calling. Fat, Obnoxious, too loud, the words kept repeating throwing my mind. I didn't want to be this girl anymore, the one who would be made fun of, the one who spent recess crying on the elementary school playground. I no longer wanted to be me. This was the moment that I failed the most. I believed all these names and labels that were told so spitefully.
Going into highschool I felt alone and so I began socializing with people who brought out the worst in me. Voices clouded my mind daring me to try to be anyone but myself. I walked into the new school trying to stand tall but all I could see is the little girl sitting on the playground and remember that being myself caused the bullying. I looked for friends in people who I was far from. I slowly alienated my friends and made new friends. The friends I made would gossip and party which was not who I was. I wasn't the girl to party, I wasn't the girl to hook up with lots of guys, and I wasn't the girl to fail her classes. I was not them. It wasn't till sophomore year till a close childhood friend of mine asked me why. Why I was so different, why I didn't believe in myself, why I wasn't me anymore? I realized that who I was trying to be was not at all who I was. I needed to be me and it was okay to be me. I did not fail because I was myself but I failed because I didn’t believe in myself. I created a group of friends who accepted me for who I was. I took accelerated courses and proved to myself that I could do it. Now going into a room I am able to know that I will find my way and make friends who will see the best in me if I am true to myself. Do I still feel insecure walking into a crowded room sometimes? Yes, but I will never fail the way I once did before.
It's now the end of junior year; I stand in front of the mirror and am no longer perplexed on the reflection, that is projected but now I'm proud. I have established who I am, the real me, the one who will speak in front of over a hundred kids figuring out a way to change the world, the one who would rather cliff jump than sit on the couch and watch tv, the one who is no longer ashamed to look in the mirror. The mirror is not a curse, which I once thought it was, but instead it's a gift.
