I have never met a person my age that hasn't lost someone close to them, whether it be family, friends, lovers, pets or anything of the sort. It's unfortunately a pain that just about everyone around you can relate to. The pain of the loss is one that can follow you for life, even years or decades after you've lost that special piece of your heart, but it doesn't seem to end there. Even the process of recovery is full of all sorts of strife, as if the tragic event weren't bad enough. There's a few things in the process of recovering that can make the process so much worse.
1.People seem to expect that grieving has a time limit.
Realize this right now, it doesn't. Grief does not have a time limit. Everyone grieves a little differently, and some take longer than others. My grandfather passed away when I was 10 years old. 12 years later, I've witnessed firsthand just how everyone dealt with the situation. Some of us, like me and one of my aunts, still have a hard time seeing pictures of my grandfather without tears hitting our eyes as though his passing was much more recent. What I envy are those members of my family that have found the strength to move on, and can now laugh and smile while thinking about the good times they had with him, without his passing bogging them down.
2. It's okay to cry, but not everyone does.
This goes along more with the fact that everyone grieves differently. Some people will cry. Some people won't, and it doesn't mean they care any less. Grief is something that hits us all differently. Whether that grief is external, or internal, doesn't particularly matter and it doesn't indicate how much they have been affected by someone's passing. Please be decent and don't hassle people about a lack of crying. They're likely hurting just as much as you are.
3. Responsibilities won't stay in the backseat long enough.
Most jobs and schools are pretty understanding and will give you some time off, but truthfully it just never seems like enough. You never quite understand just how much responsibility you have piled up until the moment when you need to be away from it the most. Bills still need to be paid, grocery shopping still needs to be done and work/school won't stay at bay for too long. Making funeral arrangements takes time, as does dividing up possessions of the deceased, going through their home and belongings and taking care of any lingering legal affairs. Soon, you have to get back to work, get back to school and get on with your life, whether you're ready to or not, worst of all.
4. Habits become your worst enemy.
You never quite realize just how integrated someone was into your life until they're gone. You start trying to dial their number, leaving extra plates at the dinner table, walking through the front door expecting to see them or passing by their house, forgetting for a moment that they're not in there anymore. It's the strangest feeling, you almost forget that this person or pet has passed away. For days, weeks or even months, some part of you can't seem to grasp that they're gone, and you're still expecting they'll be around every corner. It's a disappointment all over again every time you don't see them.
Just remember to keep kindness in mind when on the subject of grieving. We never really stop mourning those we loved, we just find ways to adapt and keep moving forward with our lives. Keep the good memories close, and don't beat yourself up if you relapse now and then. Healing is not a linear process.
