We've lost someone.

We have been wronged with such vigor and intensity and pain that we have lost ourselves from the other loss.

First off, let me say this: I am so sorry. I am so sorry that you and I are this boat together. It feels like it is just waiting to capsize, doesn't it? I wish with every fiber in my being and with every prayer I could ever offer someone that you and I never had to go through such trauma. I wish that I could just wrap you in a blanket and give you ice cream (or whatever your comfort food is) and let you mourn and weep for however long you need.

But I can't. I can do it for a few days. Anyone can do it for you for a few days.

It sucks, doesn't it.

The world won't stop for us. No matter how bad we may NEED it to, it won't. Time doesn't freeze, just like it doesn't rewind. I'm with you in wishing that I could have a Robin Williams Genie telling me I have three wishes just so we could redo so many things, right any wrongs, forgive who we should have forgiven, and to see our lost loved one just one more time.

Why am I bringing this up? Well, yesterday I was entering the basement of Mort and I saw someone that I only knew from a message that they left me on Facebook when Max died. All of the sudden, my entire body felt empty. All I could think of was whether it all really happened. Did I ever meet him? Did I even know him? Was he real? Did that night when he died really happen? Every memory of that night came oozing back. I just stopped in my tracks right in front of the row of trash cans. I was ready to collapse, ready to weep and scream and freeze.

But then someone came out with their laundry. They just walked past with a smile. Their life was still going. The dryers were still tumbling and the washers kept beeping, people walking in and out and around. The freakin' world kept going while I needed to life to be still. Unfortunately, we don't get that kind of grace whenever we need it. It's sad and unfair, I know, but we all know it's true.

I'm sorry if this is all coming off harsh, I don't mean it to. I am talking about it to hopefully...ehhh, I guess offer a shoulder? Let you know that it is okay to wish the world would stop for a while?

I do know that one thing I want to tell you is that if you do need a moment to freeze, I think it's okay to ask for one from the environment around you. At work? Ask if you can take a small break to have some time for yourself. In class? Excuse yourself to the bathroom for a few minutes. In the middle of a crowded street walking to Starbucks? Keep walking and reassuring yourself that once you get there, there is a bathroom stall waiting for you, or your phone/computer/iPod and headphones all available to you to freeze out the world for a few minutes. But then, I'm sorry to say, you have to keep going in the day. I have found that after my little "freeze times" if I go back to do whatever tasks I need to accomplish, I actually find that it helps me get back in the present time. Sort of back in the flow of the world.

Allow yourself to freeze, but also allow yourself to flow.

I would also like to extend an ear to anyone who may want to talk about their losses or ask for advice or even just need one on one assurance that they are not alone in their pain, please feel free to contact me via Facebook messenger.

Keep flowing.