The "almost" relationships are honestly the worst kind. They are the ones that almost turned into something but never actually did, and for some reason they stick around with us the longest. No matter what we do, the "what if" factor is always there because we never actually got to see what it would be like to date this person.
The worst thing about the what-if's, is that you never really get an answer to the question. You spend the rest of your life wondering what it would have been like to date this person. You wonder why they said all of those nice things to you if in the end the really weren't willing to take the chance of actually being with you. You wonder how you allowed yourself to believe that you would ever mean something more to this person than just another girl he refused to date.
The sad truth about this whole situation is that you are not sure that you will ever fully get over this almost relationship. How are you supposed to convince yourself that this guy isn't right for you when you never even really got to try it? How do you tell yourself to move on when you really don't want to? Honestly I've been asking myself these questions about the same "almost relationship" for way to long now.
What I have realized is that I think our biggest fear is that these thoughts will never go away. This person still means so much to us because a part of us will always want them. While the majority of our heart works so hard to get over this person, one part of it refuses. And part of me cant help but wonder if that small part is the part we should listen to. How are we ever supposed to fully be with someone else if a part of us is still with this person?
I wish I had the answers to all of these questions for myself and everyone else that has been here, but it is simply not that easy. The only thing I know to do is sit back, put a smile on my face, and pretend to be happy for him. Pretend I don't still wonder what it would be like. Because in the end, he is most likely going to marry someone else and leave me wondering "what if" forever. But, maybe just maybe, he has the same "what if" thoughts in his head too. And maybe he will wake up one day and realize the relationship we both tried so hard to ignore and avoid is the one we should have embraced all along.
