It’s a funny and strange thing to listen to stories of how couples met each other. Sometimes the most boring-looking couples have the most bizarre “how we first met” stories, which is something I frequently came across during my research into the woes of dating.
Cindy, a 34-year old native New Yorker, shared with me how she met her husband of eight years. “I was on a date with this guy I met at a bar. It was already going so terribly that I was ready to ditch him by the time our waiter seated us. That’s one thing you never do, by the way. Never go out with someone you met at bar—people at bars tend to take on personalities that are never original to their own. It’s something in the air that makes everyone 10 times more confident,” she said. At this point, I was frantically taking notes (not that I was one who frequently mingled at bars looking for dates—I preferred museums and cafés).
“So just as I was about to excuse myself to the ladies’ room to ‘powder my nose,’ our waiter came back with our drinks," Cindy said. "I didn’t notice him when he first seated us because I was busy planning my escape, but once I looked at him, I decided to stay. That night was spent playing eye-tag with my waiter and when I went to use the restroom, he pulled me aside and gave me his number. That date went so [much better].”
Situations described in Cindy’s story only seem real in movies or books. I can’t imagine that sort of thing happening to me, but I should never say never, especially now with so many dating applications and websites.
Blake, an avid user of Tinder and previous client of match.com, told me about his dealings with online dating and how he went from paying for a monthly subscription of $41.99 to swiping left or right for free on one of the most popular mobile dating apps.
“On Match, there were some promising people, but everything felt so rushed and committed. I guess that was because we were all on the same site and paying for access so it put a sort of pressure to do everything right," Blake said. "It was all very stuck up. Match, I feel, is a place where people who are looking to get married tomorrow go to find people. Tinder, on the other hand, is more free. Literally. It’s more likely that you’ll find someone looking for casual sex or even platonic friendships on Tinder than on Match. I met this one girl, Samantha, who was a total typhoon of carefreeness and fun. We’ve had several dates since our first but there isn’t any pressure to make something serious of it. Not that every Tinder match goes so smoothly, but most of them have a better pace.”
I’m sure a lot of Tinder experiences are similar to Blake’s for a lot of people, but I’ve never experimented long enough with Tinder to find out. My personal poison would be OKCupid. I’ve been an on-and-off user of OKCupid since I was 15. Back then, I was on the site as a means to pass the time. In other words, I was bored. Nothing was ever taken seriously, let alone anyone. How could I take anything seriously on that site when all the messages I received were from men over 20 years older than me who were only interested in my breast cup size? I’m not saying that all of the prospects were bland. As I got older, into my late teens and now early 20's, I began to take the site a little more seriously. Since reactivating and revamping my profile, I’ve met a handful of guys from OKCupid. The dates weren’t unbearable, but was I considering going long-term with these guys? Nope.
I guess the thing is, with my personality and favor of “old-school” love, I don’t see myself as being the type of person to find “the one” for me via an online dating site. I don’t oppose the method of dating, but I don’t have high hopes for myself. To those of you who have had fruitful outcomes with your own experiences, major kudos. And to those of you who have had awful experiences, I’m sure they make great stories. Either way, I’d love to hear about them.
Happy Swiping.
(Names have been changed to protect source identities).
