Never will this article accurately describe how she feels, nor is this from an interview with her. I just look, listen, and admire at how she can hold the world on her shoulders and still have enough energy to power through any and all BS thrown at her. She is smart, although she never feels enough. She is beautiful, although she wants to look different. She is graceful, although she can burp louder than any man I know.
Her heart is always beating, always loving, but she doesn't believe in love (which hurts me on a spiritual level since I am a hopeless romantic, but I still love her). She is always giving more than she gets from the men in her life, regardless of the relationship he has with her. I try and match her love with friendship and my presence, with jokes and my loud laugh (which she admittedly says she laughs more at my laugh than the actual joke). We constantly get stares wherever we go because our laughter is a self-amplifying positive feedback mechanism (thanks Anatomy!) where when one laughs, the other laughs louder and it builds on itself.
She moves in a way that show she is on a mission to complete her own tasks, a confident walk with hidden securities, and as one who can throw a punch when needed. What a tough cookie she is. Never fazed by those that stare at a loud friendship, one filled with laughter, yelling, snappy comments, condescension, and insult based humor. The squad may be small but at least it is filled with real friends. From time to time, the wrong things are said from any one of us (is it her, him, other her, me?) but love eventually finds its way back and we are all best friends again, although she is the type of woman to block you from social media for messing up and have to unblock you later.
Sometimes we say the same thing at the same time. Sometimes we say the opposite and want to fight each other. Although I do not have a smartphone, we always get into Snap wars (as in Snapchat) with everyone in the group... so many embarrassing videos and pictures that were saved (almost all of me). It feels an honor to be added to the story, and even better to be friends with her.
She has insecurities, and although we are two different people, two different genders, two different family relationships and lifestyles, we still feel the same pain. Some things you just know. Some you can feel. I can see in her eyes that we share the same thing, or at least a similar emotion, and I become sad inside knowing that we both have been down to the lowest a human can possible feel. That we have harmed our bodies in one way or another. I love her as family and friend, and hope that she knows even though I cannot date her (because shes not a guy, duh), I love her with all my heart (even if she doesn't believe in love). You know who you are. You are just so special to me. <3
