At 9am my alarm goes off. As I reach over the my nightstand to turn off my alarm a sigh escapes my throat.
I get out of bed and go to my closet to get dressed. I look in the mirror at the outfit I paired together.
Why am I so fat? These jeans make my thighs look huge and this cardigan makes me look disgusting.
I decide to wear leggings and a sweatshirt. Next I sit at my desk to do my makeup. As I sit in front of my mirror I stare into my reflection.
Look at all of that acne. I look disgusting. There's not enough makeup in the world to make me pretty.
When I finish piling foundation on my face to cover my imperfections I check my social media.
Why can't I be as pretty as her? Why can't I be as skinny as her?
At 10:30am I leave to go to the dining hall before my first class. When I arrive, I look around at all of the food options.
Are you seriously considering eating that? Do you not know how many calories are in that? Do you want to be fat and disgusting forever?
I end up settling on a simple glass of water.
As I walk to my class I see countless amounts of stunning girls.
Why can't you be like her? Oh that's right, because you have no self control.
I go through my classes trying to ignore the thoughts that invade my head. After I complete my classes for the day I meet up with my friends.
Goodness, you really are the ugly, fat friend. No wonder guys never take a second glance at you. I mean, why would they? You're nothing special.
These thoughts continue to flood my mind all night. I see at cute guy walk by at a party.
Don't even think about talking to him. He will just laugh with his friends about how ugly you are. Guys don't even pay attention to girls like you. Just sit in the corner and stare at your phone. No one will even notice you're gone anyways.
When the clock strikes 2am, I lie to my friends and tell them I'm tired. We leave the party and head back to campus. When I get back to my dorm, I go to the bathroom to take off my makeup.
I look at my reflection in the mirror.
Why are you so ugly? That guy you thought was cute was probably repulsed by your appearance. Why do you even try to put on makeup just so you can barely pass for a 4/10? You may as well give up.
A tear escapes from my eye, but I quickly brush it away and pull myself together. I leave the bathroom and head back to my room.
My roommate asks about my day as I get into bed. I tell her it was just the usual and that I'm exhausted. We say goodnight and turn off the lights. As I lay in bed my mind goes a thousand different directions.
You probably failed that history exam. You're a failure anyways. You literally have no talents. Nothing makes you special. I don't even understand why you're here. No one would miss you if you suddenly disappeared. I mean, you're not really important to anyone other than family and that's only because they seem obligated to give a crap about you. All you are is wasted space.
Eventually I drift off to sleep.
At 9am my alarm goes off. As I reach over the my nightstand to turn off my alarm a sigh escapes my throat.
