No matter where you live, East Coast or West, you’re going to have to take public transportation at one point or another. Whether it be the bus, the train, or a shuttle—we’ve all been there. I personally take a shuttle from my apartment to get to campus, and in my daily experience, there are a few unspoken rules and regulations that are pretty universal to all public transportation situations.
First off, always arrive early to catch public transportation. There’s nothing worse than chasing down a bus or shuttle once its left it’s stop, waving your arms frantically and trying to get the attention of the driver. Either your efforts will be in vain or everyone will awkwardly stare at you as you huff and puff your way into an empty seat. As you search for a place to sit, you’ll self-consciously pray that there are no sweat marks on your shirt or leftover kale in your teeth.
Once on board your train/shuttle/what have you, you’ll find yourself faced with rows of seats, probably strewn with seat belts that have never heard a click in their entire existence. If there’s an empty row, you sit. If there are empty seats but there are still empty rows, always pick the row. People will never sit next to each other if not absolutely necessary. Why would anyone want to interact with their fellow humans? If you’re one of the stragglers and aren’t lucky enough to get a row to yourself, sit next to someone wearing headphones. That way, you’re guaranteed to avoid human interaction. If no one is plugged in, choose the least offensive-looking person.
If this is university transportation, and you see someone you vaguely know on board, you have two options. You can either smile, say hi, and sit next to them, or you can avert your gaze and completely ignore them. The first option is reserved for when you’re feeling social—you should fully understand that you are then committed to at least several minutes of conversation or face awkward silences throughout the trip.
If you see someone you know extremely well, go on ahead and sit next to them. Be sure to have an extremely personal conversation at a very loud volume, ensuring that everyone around you can hear your conversation. Because you know everyone loves that.
If you find yourself sitting alone, you have a few options. You can gaze out the window and watch the passing scenery, (in my case, that includes a McDonalds, a Del Taco, and the large, red Anaheim Angels’ “A,”) you can plug in your headphones and zone out, or you can talk on your cellphone. Your companions surrounding you will adore you if you do this. It’s almost as good as the full-volume friend conversation, except that we can’t hear your mother on the other end of the line, consoling you as you complain about your “unfair professor” or whatever problem you’re having that week.
When you’ve reached your final destination, say your goodbye to the driver if you can, and sigh with relief that you’re done with the ride. Until, of course, your next trip back after lunch.
