Expect the Unexpected with Relationships

The Unexpected Relationship

Never let someone make you change who you are.

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I always thought that I could have that fairytale relationship, where you are with one person and they are the love of your life. I never thought I would find someone even more special, causing my life to spiral.

Being on Tinder was always looked at as only wanting to hook up with someone, but there are those few people who managed to find their true love on the app, so why couldn't I? It took a while, but I found someone I thought I could spend the rest of my life with. After being together for a year, things started to change. He wanted me to change and be someone I was not.

When your first love tells you that they wish something would be different, you should take that as a sign saying it isn't a healthy relationship. I thought the opposite and tried everything in my power to stay with him. I became friends with his best friend like he wanted, and I talked more to his family. I thought that would be enough, but he got even more distant with me. I still would not accept ending things.

Anxiety is something that can be caused by several things, and if you have never had one before, it is one of the scariest things to go through alone. Some symptoms could be irrational thoughts, you can't breathe, your heart is racing and maybe more. This could also turn into a panic attack if it gets bad enough. Something that caused all these anxiety attacks, was things my boyfriend would say and do. When I told him about them, he told me its okay but wasn't very reassuring.

Trust is a major part of a relationship, and once that is questioned then that is the end. One day, I was hanging out with his friend, as he wanted all along, and he accused me of cheating. I have been patient with wanting to fix things, but that was something I could not forget. I felt unappreciated at that moment. I was still with his friend after this all went down, and he was the only one who really tried to make me feel better. I don't remember the last time I felt special or appreciated before that night. After I left his house, I felt different.

There is always that "bro-code" between guys where you cannot date your best friends ex, but if there are mutual feelings, then it shouldn't be forbidden. A couple of days after the incident, I ended things with my ex and it did not go well. I had several anxiety attacks throughout that week, and I was fortunate enough to have someone by my side helping me through those tough times. I couldn't be more grateful for all he has done for me in the week this all happened.

If there are ever any doubts in a relationship, that is not healthy. It is best to end things before they get any worse as they did with my relationship. I am terrified of possibly losing the only person who always makes me feel like I am the most important person in their life. I don't know what I would do if we couldn't be together because of them being best friends.

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An Open Letter To The Guy I'm Finally Getting Over

I think I'm ready to listen to the happy Taylor Swift songs again.
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I remember when all of this started. I couldn't have predicted you if I'd tried. I was so focused on myself that it took me a while to even admit I was interested in you. You were the one I didn't see coming, and then before long, you were the one I couldn't imagine leaving.

I'll be honest. I lied to myself and to everyone else for a long time. “We aren't anything serious," I'd say. “I'm just having fun." How stupid was I to think that I could resist getting caught up in you? Those months that we spent together were some of the best of my life. I didn't think it was possible for someone to make me laugh like you did, to make me feel the way you did. You brought out a side of me I had never seen before, and even though that scared me, I didn't want it to stop.

You had me so fooled.

One day, just like that, you were gone, and before I knew it I couldn't even recognize myself anymore. I couldn't imagine how someone I had given so much to could just leave like that and not even look back. The months after that was a string of waking up and losing you all over again, telling my friends I was fine one second and crying to them the next. And the second I started thinking I was OK, I saw you again. We talked, I cried, I yelled, you cried, you yelled, and for a couple of weeks I pretended that everything would be OK, and you really meant it this time and we would make it. But just like before, it wasn't real.

Realizing that took me longer than I'd like to admit, but this is what I need you to know: I'm moving on. Finally, after months of dialing your number just to talk myself out of it, I can say that I'm moving on. I won't listen to sad songs anymore. I won't look at our pictures and re-live the days we spent together. I'm erasing every trace of you. I'm smiling brighter, I'm laughing louder, and if it's the last thing I do, I swear I'll find something that's better than what we had.

That's not to say that your memory won't knock the breath out of me on a Tuesday afternoon when our song comes through my headphones. That's not to say that I won't remember the promises you made me and want to scream at myself for ever believing you. But the difference is that I'll recognize the pain in those memories, and then I'll set them down and walk away. Because I'm done carrying them with me and I'm done giving you that power over me.

So don't call me up someday when I've finally forgotten your laugh, don't think about me at all if you can help it. You lost that right when you made the choices you did. This isn't some stupid love story we'll tell later down the road about how we beat the odds and came through stronger on the other side. This is done, do you understand? I'm finally done.

Years from now I'll look back on the adventures we had and laugh at how crazy we were. I'll remember the fierce happiness I felt while we were running wild together and I'll be grateful for this because it has molded me in ways I can't begin to explain. Someday I'll tell my daughter about you and pray that she learns from my mistakes, and when that day comes I'll wonder where you are and genuinely wish you the kind of happiness that I will have found.

I know you'll never read this. But I'll read this, on those nights when it feels like everything is starting to fall apart. Again and again and again, I'll read this and remind myself of the promise I'm making at this very moment, to look forward and stop letting your memory dictate my happiness. Someone wise once said, “Suddenly you'll just know, that it's time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings." Well, I'm trusting that this was just one short chapter of my book, and this is me turning the page.

On to the next.

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Poetry On Odyssey: Flower Glory & Star

A poem dedicated to the mothers everywhere, past, present, and future. May this Mother's Day bring much love to you all!

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Hey Readers!

I wrote this poem in honor of Mother's Day. I personified mothers as flowers and gardens being the world. I keep in my deepest thoughts those who don't have their mother; please let this poem provide some solace although never a replacement for a mother's love. All mothers, blood related or not, I send many wishes of love to you. May the day do prove memorable to all!



Flowers are different from garden to garden

Some have vibrant colors that can catch the eye in an instant

Others have more subtle hues that require time to find, but once in view, a beauty all the same

Flowers come in different scents everywhere you go

Stronger for some while others want your nose to graze ever so closely to smell

There are petals that are rougher than their neighbor, but not any less beautiful

While petals that are softer may not necessarily fall apart, keeping their ground

The nectar of each holds an earthy wisdom that many insects acquire

And their stems encompass even more to pass along

Rain water nourishes those who feel their petals wilt, sadness of losing another

Perfumed hope unto those who need it the absolute most, to see another sunny day

Let rain water flow into your seeding soul and keep you safe among the storm

With gardens, no single one is the same

There are a few with only one type of flower

Or with many types

Or with very few types

But none are ever the same

There are big gardens

And there are small ones too

But it is the flowers within these places that make them like new

The very plants that give life to those around them

Insect and other harvest alike

Protect them, remember them, and keep them with you

No matter where you are in this wide world

May there be a flower to remind you

That you are cared for and cherished

May the sun and moon be proof of those you cannot see

They, too, can sense you and a smile on your face is what they seek

Happiest of days to the flowers in every garden, near and far

That your beauty inwardly be in morning glory and evening star

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