As a Christian I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and God has a plan we often do not understand. We all have our time and no one lives forever, but that still doesn't make it easy. Whether you are in fourth grade or twenty years old, losing someone never seems to get any easier.
As a child there are many things that are difficult to understand and everyone tells you "someday you will understand.” One of those concepts is death. As a child in fourth grade while sitting at the dinner table watching and listening to your mom on the telephone you don't quite comprehend the words, "she was in a car accident and didn't make it to the hospital.” At that age you don't understand why you have to wait in line to see one of your best friends. You don’t understand that when you make it through the line and finally see her, she isn't really there. It is only her small, lifeless and bruised body dressed in her Sunday clothes. You don't quite understand why her dad is standing there crying and hugging you, until it hits you and you do understand. You understand that she will never come over to your house again. You will never play softball together again. You will never get to draw together decorating the lid of your crayon box. Most important, you will never get to do all the things you once talked about doing together. Once you understand your entire world changes, you go from a naive child who knew nothing bad in the world to a child going through something that even the smartest people in the world struggle to explain. This fourth grader was never the same.
Life goes on, the pain lessens over time but the gaping hole in your heart never goes away. Then as a young adult in college it happens again in one of the worst ways possible. The fourth grader is no longer naïve. She has experienced the cruelties life can often deal and yet still does not understand why a family member and a mother can be taken from this world so tragically. As a young adult, thinking about all the people that have been taken from this earth in the last year leaves you with a heavy heart.
As humans we know that no one can live forever. However, that certainly does not make the death of someone you love easy. Whether they are your friend, parent, someone you have known most of your life, or even related to someone you know, it is NOT easy! I personally believe there is nothing harder in life than trying to understand why a young girl died in a car accident. Why a mother was tragically taken from her children. Why a father doesn't get to walk his daughter down the aisle on her wedding day. And, most recently, why so many suffer and are taken from us with that crappy disease called cancer.
When you lose someone sometimes it seems the only logical thing to do is scream and cry or even question why a loving God could let such terrible things happen. However, I find comfort in Psalm 23:4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. I know the questions which remain unanswered combined with the evil in the world today, there is a reason. Even though we lack understanding, I know the pain and suffering our loved ones experienced, as Christians they will not suffer any more. The peace and love of my heavenly father provides comfort in my sorrow.
To all those in my life I have lost, I know you are at peace and celebrating eternal life in heavenly glory. You are gone, but you will never be forgotten.
As this week has passed, other wonderful people I know have passed away and it has definitely made me pray a little harder, love a little stronger, and tell my parents how thankful I am for them and just how much I love them.
