College: the place where everybody goes to display their various buckets. Every year, approximately 70 million new buckets are introduced to the college scene. Unfortunately, not everybody has the buckets to make it in college. As a college veteran, I have seen my share of buckets, but, unfortunately, I have also seen my share of non-buckets. For your convenience, I have compiled an ultimate college bucket list, guiding you to ultimate college success, and ultimate happiness!
1. Plastic yellow bucket
This is THE college bucket! Much needed in most college classes and college parties, the plastic yellow bucket has become a staple for almost every college student in the nation. It's even starting to spread to Canada!
2. Metal bucket
You might think that you can get along without a metal bucket, but I had several friends who dropped out after only two weeks due to a lack of one metal bucket. In fact, I think they're all dead now.
3. Two metal buckets
What, you think having two metal buckets instead of one is extraneous? I'm surprised you made it through high school.
4. Metal bucket full of kittens
When transporting your kittens, show your style by using an old metal bucket! Everyone will know that you're LIT FAM!
5. DAMN RIGHT IT'S A WOODEN BUCKET
Get used to seeing a lot of these bad boys!
6. Charlie Bucket
Ever wonder why this kid isn't in movies anymore? Because he's too busy getting TURNT at college, am I right? Bring Charlie Bucket with you to college, and you've got the golden ticket to college fame!
7. Young Lady Carrying a Bucket, by Heinrich Zille
This drawing is plastered all over college campuses, but don't be afraid to bring an extra copy just in case!
8. Mop bucket
Okay, let's get this straight: YOU DO NOT NEED TO BRING THE MOP! Just the bucket! (Once more for those in the back!) Just the bucket! Just the bucket! JUST THE BUCKET!
9. German 19th Century Leather Fire-Bucket
I filled my backseat with these babies when I packed for college. Shame on you if you didn't.
10. Jimmy Smith's 1966 jazz album, "Bucket!"
I'm just going to assume that you already have this album and have memorized the lyrics to the title track "Bucket!" because if you haven't, you shouldn't even be living.
11. The movie "The Bucket List" where Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman collect buckets until they die
You may not yet recognize this movie as the masterpiece it is, but when you're older and wiser you will realize that the most important thing in life is spending quality time finding buckets with another dying old man of a different race. You will cry every time.
