Hospitality is defined as, “The friendly and generous reception and entertainment of guests, visitors, or strangers." Living in The South all my life, hospitality was a trait that was instilled in me from a very young age. I was always taught to treat anyone I meet with respect, regardless of gender, race, sexual orientation or anything else. I had always assumed that this was a common theme amongst other people as well, especially in The South. The term “southern hospitality” is one of the first things that comes to mind when thinking of where I come from. We are supposed to be a region where people are welcome with open arms, and everyone is treated like your neighbor. While this is true for certain people, there is an unsettling common occurrence I am noticing amongst a lot of people who live in The South. Now before I say this, I want to be clear that this statement does not apply to everyone. Nevertheless, for the most part I have observed that the whole southern hospitality thing really only applies to white, Christian, heterosexual people, and I have plenty of instances where I have seen this first hand.
When I was in high school, my family had a lake house at Smith Lake in northeast Alabama. It was an absolutely beautiful place, and I tried to have friends over when I could. This one particular weekend, a group of my friends came up and we all had a blast. That was until we stopped to eat on the way back to Gadsden. Now mind you, two of my friends were African American, and the area of Alabama is known to be not the most accepting of people of different races. However, since I am a white person and have certain societal privileges simply because the color of my skin, I had never experienced a place in Alabama where I wasn’t welcome. I usually try to give people the benefit of the doubt, so I thought nothing of what I’d heard. That immediately changed once we all walked into the McDonalds to eat dinner. As soon as we walked in, the entire mood of the room shifted. You could have cut the tension with a butter knife. The stares we were getting, from people all ages, absolutely shocked me. You would have thought we were sprouting horns and another head at the same time the way they were looking at us. We ordered our food, sat down and I noticed my friends seemed completely fine with the situation. We definitely don’t feel welcome in this establishment, but they simply replied, “We’re used to it." My stomach dropped and I instantly saw the world through a different lens for few fleeting moments. I had always been welcomed by the people around me. I suddenly saw what it was like to have that dynamic shattered. Very soon, however, I would know what it’s like to not live in a place where you don’t feel welcomed.
After I came out as gay in college, my entire outlook on the world changed. I have never been one to alter my actions to please other people, so I do not hide the fact that I am gay or that I enjoy doing many things that are considered by many to be “gay." Living in The South, this comes at a price. Tuscaloosa has actually been wonderful to me, but whenever I go back to Gadsden, I can tell something is off. People just aren’t as friendly as they once were. Weird looks on the street, whispers as I’m walking by; I’ve gotten them all. My mom always asks me to “tone it down” in certain situations. She knows that I’m not welcome by certain people because of something I have absolutely no control over. The things that she has heard people say make me sick. These people are the same people who love to hear about how I am doing and how college is going. Yet, if they knew the truth, then I would suddenly become a taboo topic. Where is that whole “southern hospitality” thing? Does it just go away once you find out that someone is not white or not straight?
This is my problem with southern hospitality, it is exclusive. That in itself is a paradox, since hospitality is literally the friendly reception of strangers. There’s no part two of the definition specifying who receives this treatment, it is meant for everyone. Now I understand there are amazingly accepting people who live in The South, and I am forever grateful for them; but the sad reality is that they are the exception, not the rule. If they were the rule, my friends wouldn’t be “used to it."
What can we do to change this? Well, for starters we can confront it. So many people, myself included, see this happen on daily basis and hold their tongue. If we sit back and do nothing, this mindset will continue to percolate into our southern culture. I absolutely love The South and love the idea of southern hospitality. In practice, however, it is a totally different picture. The South is not a welcoming place for people who aren’t straight, white and Christian. That needs to change, and it’s up to this current generation to change how The South treats people that are different from them.
