Death is hard. You never expect it, and even when you do, you're never really prepared for it. In today’s society, death has become something that only happens to other people. Living has become a luxury rather than a blessing. So when it does happen and reality slaps you in the face, it hits you like a freight train with a million bricks in tow. Suddenly you're there in that moment, and wishing it was a bad dream. You're in that week of planning the funeral and the memorial services and you're numb. You're bombarded with the “I’m sorry”’s and the “If you ever need anything”’s and you plaster that fake smile on your face because you have this unnecessary feeling of obligation to be strong. You're surrounded by support and people. And you think its hard then.

But no one tells you that it's not the day you pick out a casket or the day you have to write what is to be written on the headstone that is the hardest. They don't tell you that the day you see them put dirt over that box isn’t going to be your lowest point, no. They let you figure out things like that for yourself in the weeks after all the condolences and the leftovers from the platters everyone sent are all gone. The house is suddenly filled with hundreds of dead flowers that make your house smell like the funeral home you sat in for a week. The silence of the house is almost suffocating because there is no one left to make noise. But even then, you’re not at your lowest of lows.

It’s that night you have to make a random stop at Walmart and you run into someone. They don’t know exactly what to say so they try and avoid you, but when they can’t they give you that awkward smile and head nod. It’s the day you text your friends and they suddenly can’t seem to keep plans with you. It’s the nights you see posts on Facebook about people moving on and doing what seems to look like forgetting about you. And finally, it’s the day you realize that the people you once surrounded yourself with have become total strangers. That’s the day you've hit your lowest of lows.

But when they say it will get better with time, they aren't lying. When you've hit your lowest point, you realize one of two things; you can either sit there and waste the rest of your days, or you can get up and move forward. It's never easy making the decision to move forward, and you will go back and forth about it for a very long time. But after months of feelings like there's no point, you finally realize that there is. You realize that you're stronger than you thought you could be. You've accepted that you're not okay and that's completely okay. Because our trials are part of our journey. There's a quote on Pinterest that comes to mind; "God didn't bring you this far to abandon you." And it's true. He will never give you more than you can handle. He brings us through these trials because He knows your story. He knows how it ends, and He has devised a plan that will get you to that destination. Trust in His wisdom. Wallowing in the pain of a loss will never bring your loved one back. Memorializing them with a life well lived, that's where you can see them again.

So when you feel like you're never going to find that light at the end of the tunnel, know that it's there. When you feel like your life will never be the same, know that there's a reason for that. And finally, when you feel alone, remember that no matter what life throws your way, God is with you. And your loved one is watching over you and waiting.