Sometimes, anxiety creeps upon you at the worst moments it possibly could.
Holding you down, restricting your movement, making you unable to think properly but instead makes you think too much.
Anxiety takes your breath away, not in a figurative sense, but a literal sense.
Some nights I lay awake not able to sleep because of the crippling anxiety inside of my body.
And the thing about anxiety and the attacks that ensue is that sometimes there is no correlation to the madness..
Sometimes your body just wants to fuck with you and leave you crying, confused, unable to breathe and a hollow shell of a person.
If you’ve ever had an instance in which you thought you were drowning, anxiety is like that.
You can’t feel, you can’t control, you can’t breathe, you can’t move, you can’t think...nothing.
Having everything and nothing spinning around in your head as if it were television static corrupting your mind.
There is no way to control it, it has a mind of its own.
The worst part about it all is feeling like you’re not real, that life is this inevitable trap you can’t escape.
I mean, who really knows if we are real or not? We are only very very small molecules within the rotation of the universe.
Some think that an out of body experience is exhilarating and fun but for those with anxiety, it’s a regular occurrence no drug can replicate.
It’s scary, it feels like you’re dying and you can’t do anything but lay there and stare and hope it all goes away.
These demons inside are a product of our imagination yet become oh so real have you get the chance.
Anxiety is not a fun, silly thing to joke about. It is a serious illness and it comes in all shapes and sizes.
As I lay here writing this to you, I just hope you know that I am not okay. That I am trying and I am fighting and I wish this would stop but it won’t. It won’t.
So at 4:26 am I will try to fight the biggest demon of all...
Myself.