Dating is something that I take seriously and something that also does not come easily to me. I am not quickly comfortable with new people and I have serious trouble becoming comfortable. I am someone who only likes affection when I feel like it and yet at the same time I need constant reassurance that someone is still interested in me.
The trouble with dating me is that I am not confident. I am not confident in my body, I am not confident in my ability to grasp someone so intensely that they begin to fall for me, I am not confident in most things and a relationship is 100 percent one of them. I have a lot of trouble with accepting things, especially myself, and especially when things are going in the right direction for me.
To some people, I have an awful outlook on love which makes dating me a tad difficult. To myself, I have a realistic outlook. I don't necessarily believe that all people have a "significant other" in the marriage sense. Like, for example, I think that few get to experience love in someone else and I think that it's extremely special when that happens, but by no means do I believe that it happens for everyone. I believe in soulmates and significant others in the sense that maybe there is someone out there who is perfect for you, but maybe that person is your best friend or your cousin or someone you wouldn't consider marrying, but they're still your person. So yeah, soulmates are for everyone, but love? I don't know about that. I can love my best friend but that is an entirely different kind of love than I would express to my boyfriend, you know? It's just different. I personally don't think I will ever fall in love again. Been there, done that, over it, moving on. Love isn't for me.
The trouble with dating me is that I have serious trust issues. This is not some hipster "I don't trust boys because one broke my heart a hundred million years ago" type stuff. This is where I have been proven time and time again by some of the people that I care about the most that not all people have the same heart as you do. I have been internally torn to shreds because of situations where my trust was broken and I will not ever let that happen again. So forgive me, if trust isn't my thing. It takes time and patience to gain my trust but if you can endure that then I promise it's worth all of the effort.
The trouble with dating me is that I get jealous. I am not a crazy, stalker, psycho girlfriend who needs to know where you are at all times and who you are with and what time you'll be home and all that wild stuff. But, I am someone who is protective and when I am in a relationship, I am in it entirely. If I'm not receiving that kind of attention back (and if I know you are paying more attention to other people than me for the most part) then I, being the sensitive person that I am, will definitely find it hard to not show my jealousy.
I think the trouble with dating me is that I have all of these qualities that I consider to be awful and I am constantly hard on myself for things I may not be able to control, and some nights I cry... a lot. I think the trouble with dating me is that I only like physical contact sometimes (this includes hugs, even). The trouble with dating me is that I will never consider myself good enough for anyone. I will deny compliments, but I'm the first to give them. I will hide my emotions but be the one there for others to talk to. I will get frustrated- I'm extremely impatient, but it takes a hell of a lot for me to give up and I usually won't. The trouble with dating me is that I haven't found someone who makes me feel like these things about me aren't "issues" or "problems". I haven't found someone who sees these things as positive challenges and is willing to get past them WITH me. The trouble with dating me is that I haven't found someone who can prove to me that love is more than what I consider it to be- and most importantly that love is FOR me.
