The Trouble With Dating Me

The Trouble With Dating Me

If I can't accept love, how am I supposed to give it?

Dating is something that I take seriously and something that also does not come easily to me. I am not quickly comfortable with new people and I have serious trouble becoming comfortable. I am someone who only likes affection when I feel like it and yet at the same time I need constant reassurance that someone is still interested in me.

The trouble with dating me is that I am not confident. I am not confident in my body, I am not confident in my ability to grasp someone so intensely that they begin to fall for me, I am not confident in most things and a relationship is 100 percent one of them. I have a lot of trouble with accepting things, especially myself, and especially when things are going in the right direction for me.

To some people, I have an awful outlook on love which makes dating me a tad difficult. To myself, I have a realistic outlook. I don't necessarily believe that all people have a "significant other" in the marriage sense. Like, for example, I think that few get to experience love in someone else and I think that it's extremely special when that happens, but by no means do I believe that it happens for everyone. I believe in soulmates and significant others in the sense that maybe there is someone out there who is perfect for you, but maybe that person is your best friend or your cousin or someone you wouldn't consider marrying, but they're still your person. So yeah, soulmates are for everyone, but love? I don't know about that. I can love my best friend but that is an entirely different kind of love than I would express to my boyfriend, you know? It's just different. I personally don't think I will ever fall in love again. Been there, done that, over it, moving on. Love isn't for me.

The trouble with dating me is that I have serious trust issues. This is not some hipster "I don't trust boys because one broke my heart a hundred million years ago" type stuff. This is where I have been proven time and time again by some of the people that I care about the most that not all people have the same heart as you do. I have been internally torn to shreds because of situations where my trust was broken and I will not ever let that happen again. So forgive me, if trust isn't my thing. It takes time and patience to gain my trust but if you can endure that then I promise it's worth all of the effort.

The trouble with dating me is that I get jealous. I am not a crazy, stalker, psycho girlfriend who needs to know where you are at all times and who you are with and what time you'll be home and all that wild stuff. But, I am someone who is protective and when I am in a relationship, I am in it entirely. If I'm not receiving that kind of attention back (and if I know you are paying more attention to other people than me for the most part) then I, being the sensitive person that I am, will definitely find it hard to not show my jealousy.

I think the trouble with dating me is that I have all of these qualities that I consider to be awful and I am constantly hard on myself for things I may not be able to control, and some nights I cry... a lot. I think the trouble with dating me is that I only like physical contact sometimes (this includes hugs, even). The trouble with dating me is that I will never consider myself good enough for anyone. I will deny compliments, but I'm the first to give them. I will hide my emotions but be the one there for others to talk to. I will get frustrated- I'm extremely impatient, but it takes a hell of a lot for me to give up and I usually won't. The trouble with dating me is that I haven't found someone who makes me feel like these things about me aren't "issues" or "problems". I haven't found someone who sees these things as positive challenges and is willing to get past them WITH me. The trouble with dating me is that I haven't found someone who can prove to me that love is more than what I consider it to be- and most importantly that love is FOR me.

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Just Because I Check My Boyfriend's Location Every Hour Doesn't Make Me A 'Psycho Girlfriend'

No, checking his location every hour does not make me psycho.

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for a few months now. He has come up with describing my actions sometimes as “psycho girlfriend.” As much as this bothered me at first I started to realize there is nothing wrong with my “psycho” actions.

I don’t monitor who my boyfriend hangs out with and I don’t care who he texts, I trust him, but I do watch other things he does.

I probably check his location about once an hour, maybe more if he isn’t texting me back.

This isn’t some way for me to find out if he is with another girl, it’s so I can ensure he isn’t dead in a ditch somewhere. If he was on Snapchat five minutes ago but hasn’t texted me back in 45 minutes, yeah I’ll call him out on it but I'm not actually mad. If he is with friends and not answering me, it’s cool. I just want to be able to make sure I know where he is and that he is alive on a regular basis.

I make him keep his read receipts on for me.

I don’t care if he leaves me on read, I just need to know he is seeing what I’m saying. Half the time, I text him random facts or thoughts I have throughout my day, those don’t always need a response back. However, I do want to know he is acknowledging me through reading my texts.

Yes, from time to time I will spam him and make him respond to my messages so we can make plans or I can know what he is doing with his day but it’s not like I plan out his every move for him or care if he is getting drunk with the boys on a Wednesday, not my issue.

I don’t ask for all of his time or anything. I know he is a busy person. All I ask for him to text me back on a regular basis (once an hour to be exact), for him to allow for me to know where he is at all times and to get one night a week with him.

I don’t plan to show up where he is or anything, I simply just like to know information and get a weekly time with him. I don’t care if I only see him that one night a week, I just want one night with a movie or dinner or snuggles so I can get my boyfriend time.

The rest of the time he is his own person, and I couldn’t really care less about what he does in that time.

Cover Image Credit: Grace Wilkowski

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To The Girl Always Flying Solo, It’s Time To Own Your Relationship Status

Don’t hide it. Be confident in being single.

Raise your hand if you’re the girl who always flies solo.

You go to parties alone and stand in the back because you don’t have a date.

You go to weddings by yourself and people say, ‘don’t worry dear, your time will come.’

Then, there are the everyday activities you do alone. You go grocery shopping alone, eat out alone and maybe you even sit in a movie theater alone.

After a while, you get tired of being the one who is always single and never has a date. Friends start to feel bad for you, so they try playing matchmaker. Even that tends to get old.

In today’s world, it’s incredibly hard to not feel the tiniest pang of anger when you see the flood of cute couples pictures on social media.

Sometimes, it may feel like it’s all in your face, but no relationship is ever perfect. Even if the couple looks like they have it all together, odds are they don’t.

Don't let what you see on social media get you down.

There is no shame in having your Facebook relationship status set on single. Yeah, it’s been set on single for years, but who cares. Maybe it’s been set on single since the day you made your account.

The only person who notices is YOU.

The person you are is more than enough, and you alone will outshine any relationship you see on social media.

Over the years, I’ve gone to my fair share of weddings and parties alone. It’s not that I didn’t want a date or I didn’t have anyone to ask. I simply chose to go alone.

Now, I’m not going to lie because there were many times I felt uncomfortable being alone when everyone else had a date. There was a point in time where I let that feeling get to me, and it kept me from going out.

I was tired of people asking me if I was seeing anyone, and when I replied no, the next question was why. Suddenly, my personal life was their business, and it made me feel even worse.

That's when I realized how INSANE it was for me to feel bad about myself for being single.

There is nothing wrong with not having someone by your side. You don’t need a boyfriend or a date to make you feel confident.

Now, it’s time to be confident in yourself and proud of who you are. You are the girl who flies solo, and it’s time you own it. You can turn heads all on your own. Your confidence will show others you are comfortable in your own shoes.

Your relationship status does not define you.

Instead, you should be shouting it because you are you, and you are amazing. There will be times you wish you had someone, and you might even feel lonely. There will be times others might judge you, but no one can take away your confidence.

If you’re one of the many who always flies solo, keep your head up, and keep living that single lady life.

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