The Trouble With Dating Me

The Trouble With Dating Me

If I can't accept love, how am I supposed to give it?

Dating is something that I take seriously and something that also does not come easily to me. I am not quickly comfortable with new people and I have serious trouble becoming comfortable. I am someone who only likes affection when I feel like it and yet at the same time I need constant reassurance that someone is still interested in me.

The trouble with dating me is that I am not confident. I am not confident in my body, I am not confident in my ability to grasp someone so intensely that they begin to fall for me, I am not confident in most things and a relationship is 100 percent one of them. I have a lot of trouble with accepting things, especially myself, and especially when things are going in the right direction for me.

To some people, I have an awful outlook on love which makes dating me a tad difficult. To myself, I have a realistic outlook. I don't necessarily believe that all people have a "significant other" in the marriage sense. Like, for example, I think that few get to experience love in someone else and I think that it's extremely special when that happens, but by no means do I believe that it happens for everyone. I believe in soulmates and significant others in the sense that maybe there is someone out there who is perfect for you, but maybe that person is your best friend or your cousin or someone you wouldn't consider marrying, but they're still your person. So yeah, soulmates are for everyone, but love? I don't know about that. I can love my best friend but that is an entirely different kind of love than I would express to my boyfriend, you know? It's just different. I personally don't think I will ever fall in love again. Been there, done that, over it, moving on. Love isn't for me.

The trouble with dating me is that I have serious trust issues. This is not some hipster "I don't trust boys because one broke my heart a hundred million years ago" type stuff. This is where I have been proven time and time again by some of the people that I care about the most that not all people have the same heart as you do. I have been internally torn to shreds because of situations where my trust was broken and I will not ever let that happen again. So forgive me, if trust isn't my thing. It takes time and patience to gain my trust but if you can endure that then I promise it's worth all of the effort.

The trouble with dating me is that I get jealous. I am not a crazy, stalker, psycho girlfriend who needs to know where you are at all times and who you are with and what time you'll be home and all that wild stuff. But, I am someone who is protective and when I am in a relationship, I am in it entirely. If I'm not receiving that kind of attention back (and if I know you are paying more attention to other people than me for the most part) then I, being the sensitive person that I am, will definitely find it hard to not show my jealousy.

I think the trouble with dating me is that I have all of these qualities that I consider to be awful and I am constantly hard on myself for things I may not be able to control, and some nights I cry... a lot. I think the trouble with dating me is that I only like physical contact sometimes (this includes hugs, even). The trouble with dating me is that I will never consider myself good enough for anyone. I will deny compliments, but I'm the first to give them. I will hide my emotions but be the one there for others to talk to. I will get frustrated- I'm extremely impatient, but it takes a hell of a lot for me to give up and I usually won't. The trouble with dating me is that I haven't found someone who makes me feel like these things about me aren't "issues" or "problems". I haven't found someone who sees these things as positive challenges and is willing to get past them WITH me. The trouble with dating me is that I haven't found someone who can prove to me that love is more than what I consider it to be- and most importantly that love is FOR me.

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9 Ways To Get A Writer To Fall For You, Take Notes

The ultimate guide for that writer in your life.

Writers are interesting people. When looking for a special person to have in their lives, there are certain qualities that stand out to them. The little things you do could mean a lot to a writer.

1. Text in complete sentences

While finishing each other's sentences would be a huge plus, all you really have to worry about is finishing your own. It doesn't have to be in MLA format or anything!

2. Use proper grammar

Knowing the correct their/there/they're and your/you're is super attractive to writers. And for most, it may actually be a deal-breaker.

3. Bring them coffee

Who knows when inspiration could strike. If it's late and they're awake writing, coffee will make them fall in love with you.

4. Read what they write

Tell them you want to read their content and let them know you like it. There is no better way to get to a writer's heart.

5. Don't judge them for what they're not doing so they can write

They don't want to go out because they have a deadline? Laundry is long overdue because they have an idea for an article? They haven't slept in three days writing something detrimental? It's all fine! Don't judge!

6. Don't tell them they're wasting their time

Whether they are writing for fun, because they want a career writing, or their career is writing, do not tell them they are wasting their time. It is obviously important to them and they are passionate about it, so let them enjoy themselves.

7. Leave them alone right before deadline

I'm sure the writer you're pursuing loves having your attention... maybe just not the day before or of a deadline. They get stressed and you probably don't want to be near any of that anyway.

8. If they have anything published, share it with the entire world

There is no better way to show your support than to share a writer's content. It says, "I care about this person and I care about what they have to say." Their heart is guaranteed to be yours if you help their voice be heard.

9. Don't get overwhelmed by all the words they throw at you

Writers are just wordy people. They have a lot to say all the time. Don't take it as them being extra, embrace the fact that they want to tell you everything they're thinking.

Cover Image Credit: Lovianna Blackwell

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How My Mental Health Affects My Love Life

This is for the boy who told me I didn't have it put together.

In light of Valentine's Day, I've been thinking about my own (nonexistent) love life. Now, when I say nonexistent, I mean it wholeheartedly. I'm the girl my guy friends turn to and ask "You got any single friends?" Without fail, my answer is "No, I am the single friend."

I come from a very conservative Christian background and many of the people I know got married fairly young. A decent number of my friends from church are either engaged, married, or expecting. It's not that you're expected to get married young, but oftentimes that's how it ends up happening. Men will return from their mission and be engaged or married within a year. So as a nineteen year old who has never been in a serious relationship, I feel like I'm falling behind.

I've been in exactly one (one month long) relationship in my life, which is what inspired me to write this article. When the boy in question was breaking up with me, he made a point of telling me that I "don't have everything put together." Needless to say, that did not go over well with me at all.

First of all, NO ONE has everything put together. We try to act like we do, but in reality we're all struggling in our own ways. It's what makes us human.

Second of all, who was he to tell me that I don't have everything put together? Granted, I don't have everything put together, but it still was not his place to make that judgement. I'm the only one who can decide if I have it "put together." This statement of his particularly set me off because I may still be struggling, but I'm doing significantly better than I was a year ago.

As someone with bipolar disorder, I have major reservations when it comes to dating. I tend to form emotional attachments rather quickly, which can sometimes get me into trouble. Like I said, I've only been in one official "relationship" before, but it's not the only time I've ever come close to dating someone. I've "talked to" (for lack of a better word, I hate that phrase) a few boys, only to be ghosted or led on. It's become something of a pattern in my life and let me tell you, it doesn't feel good.

When I get ghosted, or when a guy leads me on for a while only to tell me he's not interested or whatever his excuse is, I start doubting myself. What makes me so undatable? Am I not attractive/smart/funny enough? No, it's probably the bipolar disorder. That, plus my anxiety and constant need for reassurance.

I begin to worry that it's because I'm too needy, too "moody," too much to handle. I shut myself off to people because I assume that that's how things are going to end--with them finding some flaw, some deal breaker, and deciding that it's not worth the effort of being with me. I get so scared that my mental health will be a deal breaker. But why should that be the case?

Answer: it shouldn't. No one should have those doubts about themself, especially over things that can't necessarily be controlled. I can't control the fact that I have anxiety and bipolar disorder, just like people can't control their height or their eye color. It would be stupid not to date someone because they have blue eyes and you want someone with green eyes, would it not? So why miss out on dating an amazing person just because they struggle with their mental health?

Just because someone is struggling with something that you don't understand doesn't mean that they're not worth your time. Take the time to understand them, love them, and appreciate them, even if it seems like you're taking a risk. Who knows? It could be the best risk you'll ever take.

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