The Trouble With Dating Me

The Trouble With Dating Me

If I can't accept love, how am I supposed to give it?
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Dating is something that I take seriously and something that also does not come easily to me. I am not quickly comfortable with new people and I have serious trouble becoming comfortable. I am someone who only likes affection when I feel like it and yet at the same time I need constant reassurance that someone is still interested in me.

The trouble with dating me is that I am not confident. I am not confident in my body, I am not confident in my ability to grasp someone so intensely that they begin to fall for me, I am not confident in most things and a relationship is 100 percent one of them. I have a lot of trouble with accepting things, especially myself, and especially when things are going in the right direction for me.

To some people, I have an awful outlook on love which makes dating me a tad difficult. To myself, I have a realistic outlook. I don't necessarily believe that all people have a "significant other" in the marriage sense. Like, for example, I think that few get to experience love in someone else and I think that it's extremely special when that happens, but by no means do I believe that it happens for everyone. I believe in soulmates and significant others in the sense that maybe there is someone out there who is perfect for you, but maybe that person is your best friend or your cousin or someone you wouldn't consider marrying, but they're still your person. So yeah, soulmates are for everyone, but love? I don't know about that. I can love my best friend but that is an entirely different kind of love than I would express to my boyfriend, you know? It's just different. I personally don't think I will ever fall in love again. Been there, done that, over it, moving on. Love isn't for me.

The trouble with dating me is that I have serious trust issues. This is not some hipster "I don't trust boys because one broke my heart a hundred million years ago" type stuff. This is where I have been proven time and time again by some of the people that I care about the most that not all people have the same heart as you do. I have been internally torn to shreds because of situations where my trust was broken and I will not ever let that happen again. So forgive me, if trust isn't my thing. It takes time and patience to gain my trust but if you can endure that then I promise it's worth all of the effort.

The trouble with dating me is that I get jealous. I am not a crazy, stalker, psycho girlfriend who needs to know where you are at all times and who you are with and what time you'll be home and all that wild stuff. But, I am someone who is protective and when I am in a relationship, I am in it entirely. If I'm not receiving that kind of attention back (and if I know you are paying more attention to other people than me for the most part) then I, being the sensitive person that I am, will definitely find it hard to not show my jealousy.

I think the trouble with dating me is that I have all of these qualities that I consider to be awful and I am constantly hard on myself for things I may not be able to control, and some nights I cry... a lot. I think the trouble with dating me is that I only like physical contact sometimes (this includes hugs, even). The trouble with dating me is that I will never consider myself good enough for anyone. I will deny compliments, but I'm the first to give them. I will hide my emotions but be the one there for others to talk to. I will get frustrated- I'm extremely impatient, but it takes a hell of a lot for me to give up and I usually won't. The trouble with dating me is that I haven't found someone who makes me feel like these things about me aren't "issues" or "problems". I haven't found someone who sees these things as positive challenges and is willing to get past them WITH me. The trouble with dating me is that I haven't found someone who can prove to me that love is more than what I consider it to be- and most importantly that love is FOR me.

Cover Image Credit: Stocksnap

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8 Solid Date Ideas For Couples Who Drink Beer

Don't go on another boring date. Throw axes, launch golf balls. Be the fun couple.

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Fact: there are two types of people in this world.

  1. People who say, "dating is hard these days."
  2. People who plan dates around boozing.

If you've ever been on a bad date, specifically if you are a beer drinker, I'm going to assume you didn't put much effort into planning the date, let alone the beer you planned on drinking. Yes, everyone has their own expectations when it comes to date activities.

But rather than focus on differences, why not plan your date around something you have in common: a love for good beer?

Don't have any ideas? We got your back. Whether you've been dating for two weeks or nearly two years, here's a list of unique date ideas that include everyone's favorite third wheel, booze.

1. Blind Beer Tasting

Sometimes the perfect date night could very well be from the comfort of home. Movies and pizza are usually what's up for a low-key night, but have you ever considered something as underrated as blind beer tasting? It's a fun way to do something different with your partner, getting your taste buds boppin', experimenting with new drinks. Make the night super official with some beer tasting score cards so you know what to get for next time, or what to never, ever get again for the remainder of your existence.

2. Top Golf

A little competition never hurt anybody, right? It doesn't matter if you're the next Tiger Woods or don't have a single athletic bone in your body, Top Golf is a guaranteed good time. There's literally zero pressure because all you have to do is wave around a golf club trying not to look stupid. Share some laughs, get some embarrassing pictures or videos, munch on some apps, and sip (or pound down) some tasty brews.

3. Axe Throwing

Unless you live under a rock, you'll know that axe throwing is booming and locations are opening up almost everywhere. The Canadian backyard pastime might seem a little odd, but it's AXE-tually a lot of fun. You can bring your own food and who doesn't like food? Alcohol IS permitted at specific locations, so call ahead! Just remember to throw responsibly, because if you aren't married yet you can't collect that insurance premium.

4. College Football Saturdays and Football Sundays

For most guys (and some gals) this is the best time of the year. Weekends in the fall are completely devoted to football. Even if you're not the biggest football fan, you can still have a blast taking part in the social aspect while being a spectator. Some bars are team-themed, so make sure to look up some places and get there early. FYI: this works for almost all sporting and pay-per-view events. Including, but not limited to; the Olympics, boxing, American Ninja Warrior, etc…

5. Check out a local brewery

Craft breweries are perfect date spots. Fun but low-key (read as: you can still have a conversation). And they're full of great beer. If you're ever on the East Coast, you have to hit up Victory Brewing Company's Taprooms & Breweries located in Chester County, PA. One of the perks of craft breweries as a date spot is the local culture and small-town vibes we all love to love. I recommend Victory because they have all that plus one of the strongest beer line-ups in the country, including tastings for new experimental beers. If you can make a day of it, I suggest you do. They have trivia during the week, live local bands, and the food is awesome. Get a pretzel and beer cheese. It's wicked good.

6. Booze Cruise

A different, cool way to party. Whether it's just you two or you're with a group of other couples, booze cruises are a more sophisticated way to indulge. I mean, let's face it, we're all high-key trying to hold onto the savage tolerances we used to have in college and it's nights like this, where we try (really, really hard) reliving it. The city skylines and marina views alone are simply breathtaking. All you need to do is show some ID, pay admission, and pray the rest of the night calls for smooth sailing.

7. Pick a theme and plan your own Bar (beer) Crawl

Going on adventures with your other half is proven to bring you closer together. Pick a theme with your significant other, and plan a beer crawl using Google Maps. Try picking new bars you haven't been to before! At the end of your crawl, hit up your favorite bar or better yet, the first bar you guys met or went to as a couple.

8. Wedding Crashing... IRL

I know this sounds a little far-fetched, but if it's done right this could lead to the most epic of nights. You know when people bring dates who the bride and groom have never even met? Or heard a member of the wedding party be like, "Yea, I don't even know half of these people"? UM, hello! You could be "these people!" Almost all weddings are destined to have good booze, and, unless the father of the bride is a legit serial killer, it's probably an open bar.

The most important part of any date is planning to share good beer, but don't sleep on picking a good partner. Find someone who compliments you the way Victory's Golden and Sour Monkeys compliment each other. These beers are distinctly different but make the perfect duo. Check out their beer finder to see where you can snag some brewskis with your booski. Cheers!

Photo by Elevate on Unsplash

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8 Hacks For Making Long Distance More Bearable, From The Girl Who's Made It Work

Long-distance relationships are hard, but not impossible.

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There are hardships that come along with being apart from the person you love, but making it work can be just as rewarding. Long distance is never easy, but it does not have to be all bad...

1. Make time for each other

Especially when in a long-distance relationship, it is important to take time out of your day to remind your significant other that you care and are interested in what they are doing on a day to day basis. Even if you can't be together physically, it's important to be there for each other emotionally.

2. Trust your partner

Not seeing your partner can be hard, especially if you have trust issues going on in your relationship. It is important that you trust your partner 100%, so you are not always worrying about what they are doing when they are not texting you back.

3. Phone calls

Sometimes a bad day can be turned around simply by hearing your partners voice, sometimes texting gets old and a good ol' fashioned phone call can make all of the difference. Whenever I am feeling down, it always helps to call and talk things out, so I do not feel so alone.

4. Visit each other

Depending on the distance between you and your partner, visiting each other during breaks or whenever you have time can make things not feel so "weird" if you have been away from each other for a long time. My boyfriend and I live 2 1/2 hours away and we would take turns visiting each other. Not seeing each other for a couple of weeks, or months and then seeing each other again is a feeling I cannot describe. It makes you feel like everything you are doing is worth it, but it is important that visits are both sided, and one is not flying/driving to the other more.

5. Effort

The relationship will not work unless you want it too, and effort is key in this situation. One-sided relationships will never work, and will often leave the other person dissatisfied in the relationship. Initiation for visits, phone calls or even a simple text message being constantly from one partner is not fair and shows a lack of effort from the other person. If you care about someone you should want to do anything you can to reassure them that you care.

6. Don't obsess

It is easy to start obsessing about constantly talking to your partner and always being around to talk when they are free, but you need to make sure you do not start to lose yourself. Things could be amazing when you are together, but when you have to be apart it is important to stay busy and have relationships with other people in your life. It is easy to just want to sit in your room and talk to your significant other all day, but you need to live your life the way you normally would. Otherwise, what would you really have to talk about at the end of the night?

7. Cherish the time you have together

Finally seeing your significant other after extended periods of time can be bittersweet. The initial excitement can fade away when reality sets in and you know you will be a part in the next few days or weeks. Don't dwell on the fact that you will be apart again, but instead make the most out of every moment you have together. Utilize the fact one of you is in a new place and take these opportunities to make new memories and do new things together. Make each visit better than the last, yes it is sad it can't always be this way, but you have to make the most out of every situation.

8. What will be, will be

If the relationship is meant to work out it will, and if it is not that is OK. Do not force anything to try to drag a relationship along, if signs of distance are being shown from your partner, do not become blind to them and ignore it. Long distance is not for everyone and can become too much for some people, you have to understand it is not you that is the problem. As I said, what will be, will be and there is nothing you can really do besides put your all into the relationship.

I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years and a majority of our relationship has been long distance. I swore to myself I would never go into a long-distance relationship, but sometimes when you meet the right person it is all worth it. These eight tips have helped me in my relationship, not feel so alone, and keep my relationship happy and healthy.

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