"I had a friend who fell into the trap of sexual assault."
I over heard a lady say this at a hotel restaurant in Seattle. She was speaking about the matter in an angry tone, but one I would not expect.
This woman believes her friend had willingly stumbled into the trap of the attacker, while I believe her friend has been thrown into the trap of the victim.
Everyone sees the victim as the one to blame, no matter the situation. They should have seen it coming. They should have done something different. In this case, she walked home by herself after work. It wasn't too late of a shift, about 7pm. She was in her uniform. From what I could hear, she was a waitress.
The lady discussed the fault of her friend.
"She shouldn't have been walking alone."
"She had tight pants on, she should have changed first."
"She was so dumb to put herself in that situation."
I couldn't help but listen in at that point. I was too shocked to say anything, and ended up pushing away the complimentary hotel breakfast in front of me.
No one, woman or man, can be blamed for being raped. It is not their fault, no matter the situation. It doesn't matter if they were intoxicated, or wearing tight clothing, or flirting. Whenever people around me question what I'm doing when I defend a girl having been attacked while wearing a short dress, I give them the following scenario: If I walked in here naked, would that give you any right to touch me? They immediately say no, of course not. I usually don't have to give them any further explanation as my point sets in. No one has the right to touch another human being, regardless of the amount of clothing they wear.
I wasn't drinking when it happened to me. I was in a sweatshirt and leggings. With someone I had considered to be a friend.
This woman's friend found herself trapped as a victim. She wasn't put there by choice, but rather forced inside by society's views. Everyone told her that she did something wrong. She put herself in that "situation" and should have expected it.
What?
There is no person that wakes up in the morning and says, "hey, I bet if I did this today I'll get sexually assaulted."
No situation calls for someone being attacked. No one should expect to have something like that happen to them. No one can predict it.
I'm a 19 year-old female. I've grown up with the idea that every man walking by me is a potential attacker, because that's the way we as a society have chosen to deal with this. Teach the young to fear everyone, instead of instilling the fear in predators not to attack. I have felt scared to walk down the street since I was eight years old. Needless to say, being attacked is not something I should have been worried about.
I shouldn't have to worry about it now, no one should, but if you check my purse, you'll find pepper spray and a whistle at all times. Same goes for most people my age.
The trap of sexual assault isn't referring to the lure of a predator, it's the after-effect of people blaming the victim.
