As I reach the end of my third semester of college, I realize that the past few months have taught me more than I’ve learned in past years of my life. I’d be lying if I said it has been an easy semester-- this arguably short period of time has tested me in many ways. I came to terms with the fact that much of the life I’ve built for myself in college isn’t truly stable or wholesome.
When I was choosing a school, I ultimately decided to attend the College of Charleston because I wanted a “classic” college experience. I chose to pass on attending school in New York City because I figured that this was the only period of my life when I could experience the type of college you see in the movies: fun parties, a beautiful campus and a chance to truly live in a “college” environment.
During my Freshman year, I very much submerged myself into the college party scene. Although I didn’t realize at the time that the relationships I was making weren’t the healthiest, I didn’t know that there were other options. I simply assumed that this was how college was, and that I was experiencing everything I had wanted by attending school in the south. Almost every night, there were fun parties to go to and I always went, in fear of missing out on a night that could be amazing and fun. Almost always, these nights took turns for the worst. It’s not uncommon to be walking home late at night and see students getting in trouble with the police, kids throwing up in bushes or people falling down because they can no longer maintain their balance due to alcohol.
I do not mean to write this piece in slander of the party culture. It would be extremely off-base for me to say that I don’t enjoy going to parties and having fun, or that I haven’t experienced my fair share of mistakes. But recently, I’ve realized just how difficult and often, toxic, these social constructs are. I’ve come to terms with the fact that it is absolutely impossible to form meaningful relationships with people when we are told our primary concern should be how much we can drink in one evening. I’m not blaming people who engage in these behaviors, I’m simply saying that, under these circumstances, meeting people in healthy ways simply cannot happen.
However, there have been some major positives that have come out of this semester. As I’ve realized that I want to make changes in my social life, I’ve gotten the chance to meet incredible friends who have helped me come back to the person I want to be. These friends are always up for having a good time, but, at the end of the day, still care so much about each other. It’s so great to feel safe in a group of people, and that I can truly be myself with them.
So now, I find myself at a crossroads. The original social life I built for myself in college is one I can simply no longer maintain. I will still go out, and probably have many nights that are fun. But I really, truly, hope that in my time left in college I won’t feel that most of the people I met genuinely don’t care about my well-being. I hope I can find more friends like the ones I’ve met this semester. I hope that I can convince myself that I chose the right school, that this “classic college experience” is what I was meant to have and that I’ll emerge stronger from it.
