I was dead. It was the most beautiful day of the summer yet it was the darkest day in my world. I was just laying there on the cold bridge with my feet dangling over. Feeling the sun go down while my soul was racing it to the dark side. I never wanted death more than in those moments. Laying with my face towards the sky but the pretty blue painting with white spotted clouds is not what my eyes saw. The only thing that I saw was pure darkness. My eyes were closed with tear drops running down into my ears. I haven't been able to cry for weeks and somehow the whole river came flowing in that night.

I just felt my whole body crashing down on me and the last to go was my heart. I felt numb. This is it for me. I just couldn't hold myself and my pain any longer. The last word that flew through my mind was... death, it actually sounded calming to me.
In that moment... I died.

I sit here today writing this letter and almost two years has passed since a part of me died. Nothing about that night made sense, until this month. It's mental awareness time and I've learned so much within these fourteen days. I now have a clear understanding of my death.

It all started when I went to a poetry slam. I heard spoken words from a guy whose brother committed suicided. His words were so powerful. He said, "suicide is like a game otherwise known as hangman." I was speechless when I heard that line. So many thoughts running through my mind.. because I once played that game and I was ready to forfeit it.

The next eye opener came from snapchat. I was watching Keke Palmer discuss a topic as she always does on most days. This talk was followed by her watching the Netflix series "13 Reasons Why." The focus was on suicide. All it took was one line from her talk, one line that shook me. She said, "I believe that we all die a couple of times in life and commit suicide in some shape or form."

For me, I died in that moment because I was ready to give up on life. I was letting myself down. Every ounce of me that was built to be put on this earth, I was ready to break it all to pieces and put it to rest. It's not that I wanted to die, I just wanted to escape the pain I felt, that never ending pain. It seemed to be the only option.

I didn't believe in therapy, I didn't believe in telling my life story to a complete stranger as oppose to telling someone who knows me personally. But then again, I didn't have anyone in my life who could truly understand me. I was put on pills because I was depressed. These pills made me feel worthless, it felt as if I had to rely on a small pill to make it through each day. So, this seemed to be the only way out.

But I'm here to tell you, that it doesn't have to be the only way out. If you've tried to open each door in search of ending your pain and had no luck, then build your own door. The pain that you're going through may feel unstoppable, but slowly and surely there will be a red light. It just takes some time and a lot of strength. The bravest thing you can do is reach out for help. Speak out to somebody, anybody. We all need some help in life.

Nothing is worth taking your own life for. YOU are more than you give yourself credit for. I know this life is not easy and it's not meant to be. It's meant to test us and challenge us in order to grow. With finding happiness in life you have to go through your own trials and tribulations. It's going to be the hardest ride that you will get on but trust that you will get through it. Believe in yourself and what you can achieve in life.

There is only one person who can control how your life goes and that person is you. You can put the fire out to all of your sufferings and it starts within your mind. Just by simply changing the way you think. As long as you keep that little light inside of you burning then there will always be hope. That is what can turn the most darkest storms into the most breathtaking rainbows.

So this letter is for you, the one who is reading this, I see you. This is me reaching out through this screen and giving you my hand. Take it and let's give this life a run for it's money. There is so much more to life that need to be seen through your eyes. So just hang in there, if not for yourself then for the next person in your shoes who needs to see that someone like them did make it out alive.

You are meant to live. You are needed and wanted in this world. You are who I was two years ago. Happiness is coming, build that door and welcome others who will follow. So take a deep breathe, hold the key tight, and open the door to your new beginning.