Here's a nifty acrostic poem to start us off:

(C)lamp Your Nose

(T)alk To No One

(A)void Eye Contact

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the daily commute to work is 25.4 minutes, which I'm going to kindly disagree with. My commute to work makes it close to that on good days at 30 minutes, but on bad days, it can be up to an hour and a half (Curse you Lollapalooza and every other event in Grant Park for shutting down Columbus!! Argh!!). The way back from work is an even bigger toll, taking closer to an hour on average, and A LOT can happen in that hour.

No matter where you are or what public transit you take to work, I'm betting you've had some similar experiences -- or at least some that are equally outrageous. I'd be glad to hear them. Perhaps we could start a support group for people who witness outrageous things on public transit.

Here are my top five CTA stories of things I saw but pretended no to:

1. The woman who makes everything a race issue.

While yes, there is a large issue with race in our country, this O.G. crazy lady took it next level. Before she even got on the bus, I could tell she was one of those people who think their crap don't stink with her outrageous sunglasses, flashy purse, and hot pink lipstick, which is fine, but you're taking the bus not a limo. As she proceeded to make her way to the back of the bus, she yelled and cursed at people to move out of the way. Mind you, this is a commuter bus and there are a dozen people already standing, so there wasn't much room for them to maneuver for her to get past. She ended up yelling at another woman about not wanting to touch her dirty body. Keep in mind, this woman was a business woman on the phone. Needless to say, these two started to go at it. Not physically (thank goodness), but they started yelling at each other from across the bus. At this point, the bus was on Lake Shore Drive, and the driver was unable to pull over, so he was caught up in the yelling dispute. A white man kindly asked the woman who started the drama to calm down, a major no-no because hysterical hot pink lipstick lady then launched into how she wouldn't have to yell at people to get out of her way if it weren't for white people. The silence that ensued over the bus was suffocating, so I turned my music up louder and continued to pretend (like half the bus) that we hadn't caught a lick of the argument. (Note: upon reading this, reflect on the accuracy of the gif.)

2. The woman afraid of water when it's raining.

This is probably my second favorite CTA story next to the one above. I once again got on my bus to work, and there was a light drizzle outside. I sat in a seat to only immediately realize it was wet. I hoped it was rain, but being that it was the CTA, there was no way to tell. I jumped into a different seat next to a nicely dressed woman, who I thought I had a connection with because we were both wearing orange pants. Apparently, she didn't feel the same. She flinched away from me and nearly glued herself to the window. I apologized and was given a glare in return. Pretty soon, some drops of water started to slip through the seam of the window, and the woman lost it. She pulled out napkins from her purse and started wiping up the droplets before shoving the napkin in the crack. She repeated this ritual a couple times, but eventually the dam broke, if it could even be called a dam. A trickle of water broke free, and the woman launched a full-out napkin war on the water. Needless to say, I got off my bus a stop early, but couldn't help but wonder how she got on the bus in the first place when she had no umbrella, and it'd been raining since five in the morning. (Note: I wish I had been David Tenant in the gif when this went down.)

3. Fight! Fight! Fight! But not when you're in my way.

It was my first day of my first week as an "L" train commuter, and I was lost in the tunnels between tracks. I made the mistake of going with the flow and pretending to know where I was. As a result, I was too busy stressing over where this never ending tunnel let out than paying attention to the tense fight atmosphere I stumbled into. There was a small woman with a haunted look in her eye and an irritated man standing a couple feet away from her. Next thing I knew there were police officers pushing past people and even one from canine patrol. What happened? Unsure. I was still busy being swept away by commuters, but I still wonder what happened between the spacy-eyed woman and the business man.

4. 50 Shades of...Something.

There's nothing like a good love story on your way home, whether in a book or in real life. In this case, it's the latter and about my favorite, least favorite couple on my bus from time to time. To paint the picture, he's always dressed nice in dress slacks, a button up shirt, and dress shoes, but he never has a briefcase or backpack with him, which is suspicious. She is always in jeans, a normal shirt, and Converse. Always ALWAYS, she is crawling all over him, while he more or less looks unamused (thus why I consider them 50 Shades of Something). The most interesting thing is that whenever they near his stop, she gets really sad, and while he tries to cheer her up, it never works. With no kiss or anything, he gets off the bus. The whole relationship is suspicious, and I love it. (Note: Adam Levine is the PDA savior we need.)

5. The normal-looking hot guy who saves the day.

The CTA isn't all bad though because sometimes, on a special occasion, I get blessed with a hot guy who spends the ride reading his sci-fi book, completely oblivious to the chaos of the bus around him. He stands as a hope I have for a glimmer of normality in my commute. Shout out to that hot guy. Public transit, and the world, needs more of you.