Presumably, many of us are familiar with the phenomenon of the "power struggle" in relationships, whether they're friendships, romances or, my favorite, the "talking" relationship and, of course, many of us try to gain as much power as we can get. Although it likely varies from relationship to relationship, the plethora of possible causes behind the power struggle are by no means easy to resolve. It may be just as basic as our human desire for power and control, which in many of our minds equates to stability, or, we may seek power for ourselves due to our aversion of being without power and thus feeling vulnerable to the other person. Whatever the reasons may be, we will now look at some suggestions of altogether avoiding the struggle for power.
Don't let the other person give 100% when you're only giving 10%. This should go without saying, but you'd be surprised at how many people in relationships just cruise by at 10% or so, not really caring and pretty much being indifferent to the relationship. A lot of us have been guilty of this, including myself, but it really doesn't do anybody any good. What's worse is that a lot of us, when we have this so called upper-hand, think that we're so cool because we hardly even care like we should; we think we're so big and bad because we can basically treat the other person like they're not even there and still expect them to come back for more, just because we're so darn irresistible. Solution: Don't be lazy or egotistical; make it a habit to show the other person how much you value him/her.
If you can text back, text back. This one is a personal favorite of mine, and I bet we've all done it a time or two, most likely with multiple people. Even though we're completely capable of texting back after we read the message, we lock our phone and let the other person wait it out. This is sooo disrespectful and even more annoying. There are multiple excuses to accompany this, too: we can accidentally forget about it, we can wait and try to think of the right thing to say, we may not want to talk to that person right now, etc. However, they're all resolved with a little time and honesty; even mere acknowledgement can go quite a ways. But don't sit there with your phone, ignore the message and think that the other person must think you're so cool and that you lead a super busy, exciting life.
Be honest; be open. This is probably the most challenging way of giving up the power struggle. It requires that you be intimate with the other person, which can be a daunting task for a lot of people, but it can also be the most rewarding. It's also extremely simple, though-don't give me that "it's complicated" hooey- just be honest and open with your feelings. If you feel that the opportunity is there, then share your past, your feelings, your memories. One of the worst things you can do is to withhold something that has the potential to make someone happy.
Now this is not an exhaustive list, and the power struggle will likely remain a dilemma in many of our lives. However, we need to look beyond this concept of imaginary power in relationships and just experience the relationship uninhibited, regardless of thoughts or actions of others, for only then can the relationship at hand truly prosper.
