Rude. Lazy. Unmotivated.
[just to name a few]
Teacher described student as these. Student was never good enough for teacher. Teacher was never satisfied.
But let me paint the whole picture:
Student was a four year honors roll student. 6 AP classes taken. 7 AP tests taken. 5 SAT Subject Tests taken. ACT and SAT tests taken. Student was considering highly selective universities. Student was a multi-sport varsity athlete and heavily involved in various clubs. Student was quite intelligent.
Student always said that when student "grows up," student wanted to be author, a children's novel author. Student would write novels on loose leaf paper as a child. Student was full of great ideas for student's future career in writing.
Student had a blog. A blog that exercised student's creative writing passion and skills.
Student was always asked to help student's friends with their essays and writing assignments.
Student was confident, comfortable in student's skin, and loved student's God given talents, which included writing.... or so student thought.
But teacher changed student's life.
Teacher made student think student was dumb, stupid, incapable, unable, and not talented. Teacher made student despise writing. Student did not want to be an author. Student stopped writing in student's journal and writing letters. Student stopped writing creatively on student's blog. Student lost all confidence.
Student's grade started to drop, and student's self esteem dropped right along side it.
Student lost the passion and, eventually, believed student was not good enough and never would be. Student was scared. Student didn't feel ready for college because student believed she wasn't good enough for college level writing, even though student had been taking college level courses since tenth grade.
Student doesn't know why teacher felt the need to do this to student. Student doesn't know why teacher never wanted to help student. The answers to these questions were beside the point.
How would student ever be good enough again?
Student is me, and I will tell you how my story ends.
I was completely hopeless, but if I knew that if I ever wanted to feel good about my writing again, I would have to remake myself.
I made myself read my old papers, blog posts, diary entries, letters, poems, and novel drafts. I had put them so deep in a corner that each essay with my name on it seemed like a fresh book I knew nothing about. I had completely erased each piece of writing from my mind as I never thought I would want to see such "horrid" writing ever again. I amazed myself. My writing was good. I felt emotional and like a new person reading my work, and this was exactly what I needed.
I picked myself up from the low ground my teacher had slowly pushed me down to, and with each new essay, new blog post, and new piece of creative writing, I gave myself a new defining adjective.
Creative. Inspiring. Intriguing.
[just to name a few]
This was the new me. These were words to describe me and my writing. I continued to tell myself this until I believed it.
The hardest part of this was looking beyond the grade. The grade doesn't define me, nor does one person's opinion of my character. I defined me.
I have, clearly, gained my confidence in writing again and am especially thankful for Odyssey for supporting and creating a safe, positive community that fosters passion for creative writing.
In conclusion, anyone who has ever felt pushed down by another single human being, believe that you are more. Define yourself and write your own story.
