Before I begin, this is not a cry for help. This is not me seeking attention. This article is intended to be a source of happiness, and above all, hope.

Dear People I Love,

Thank you. I have been so lucky throughout my life to have you. You were always there for me, and I'm sorry that I wasn't always there for you. However, I can't shake the feeling that you have been wasting your love on a hopeless soul. You say that I am worth loving, that I am worth your time and effort, but I see people everyday who think otherwise.

I've wanted nothing else in life except normalcy. I hate standing out, I hate being different. I hate being stared at and I hate always having to qualify my existence. No person should ever have to go through that. It's people at school, people at church, and people I see around town. I can't tell my friends because they'd tell someone who would put me in a loony-bin or put me a room with a shrink. That's not what I want.

I want the pain and the hurting to stop. I want to stop being looked at. I want to be in a place that isn't so cold; a warmer place, and a happier place. They tell me that's what heaven is like. Sure sounds a hell of a lot better than here.

I don't mean to sound so sad, but that's how I've felt for a long...long time. Y'all probably never noticed because I did my best to hide it. I did my best to be strong, to mask my feelings, and to pretend that every is fine. But I am done hiding. I can no longer be strong, I can't mask my true feelings any longer, and I am incapable of pretending that things are anything but miserable.

But I tried to give y'all clues. Clues that I wasn't happy, that I'd rather be dead than alive. I hoped that you would see the scars, notice my hoarding of medicines, my weight loss, my reclusion. You didn't, and that's fine. Nobody did.

I tried to turn to God but I felt even lonelier. Is anyone actually listening? I guess you are now.

I love you all, and I hope to see you again. One day.

Love always...

This is not a real suicide note. I am in no way depressed or contemplating taking my own life. But at one point I was. At one point I believed everything I wrote in the above letter. But I came out of that dark, dark place and now see life as beautiful and more than worth living, even on the bad days. Here's why. This is not condescending or patronizing in any way. This is a heart to heart, from one soul to another.

If you are depressed or suicidal, please talk to somebody. If you don't, you will be in a never-ending loop of self-despair. It doesn't have to a guidance counselor, a psychologist, or a parent. Sometimes a friend is the best person, or if you're like me, even a stranger. There are people out there who care about you, even people who don't know you. People like me. We want you to live. We want you to see the sun come up tomorrow and the stars come out tonight.

We want to help you eradicate darkness, not let you sink in further. I understand the pain of being bullied. I understand feeling worthless and wanting everything to stop. But I decided that many things in life weren't worth trading. Things like music, laughter, rainy days, and great stories. I realized that there are so many things I want to do before I go and that if I ended my life I would never be able to live the life I truly want to live.

So live the life you want to live. Things will always get better, and I know because I have seen them get better. I know that tomorrow is scary, but it will be kinder. There will always be bad times, but life is not measured by the times that suck. Life is measured by good memories and good friends, all of which you risk losing. Don't lose them.

You do not need to qualify your existence. We all exist, but your self-worth is eternally internal. No one else can you make feel worthless without your approbation. If you stand out, stand out. If your light shines brightly, don't you dare make it dimmer. If people talk about you, let them talk. Don't let it bother you, and show them that it doesn't bother you. You are beautiful and don't forget it.

I know all of these things sound easier said than done; that's because they are. You can only get better and make it out of the hole in which you reside if you want to and work for it. It will be a long and hard road, but speaking from the point of view of someone who made it to the other side, it is so worth it. Fill the world with your luminosity, and maybe one day you can tell people that they, too, are worth it.

You are worth it.

Love always...