I can't focus. Even as I'm writing this, I cannot focus. My mind is darting to every other corner of the house. I can hear the sink running in my roommates bathroom. I listen to my cat rustling with piles of moving boxes in the living room. I suddenly remember that tomorrow is garbage day and no one has put the trash cans out by the curb so I jump up to do so. This takes me 25 minutes because somehow I now find myself with a sponge in my hand, washing dishes. The garbage is still sitting untouched.
My fingers tap tentatively on the keyboard and my leg bounces up and down in anxious rhythm. I am a 20-year-old college student, and I have attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).
When I was in fourth grade, my parents dragged me to a slew of child psychologists and specialists. Among other things that were happening at the time, I had begun having real difficulty in school. After a barrage of tests and appointments, I was diagnosed with ADHD. At the time, I didn't really understand what that meant.
In fact, most people don't. There are many misconceptions that foster negative and invalidating attitudes towards the children and adults who manage this disorder every day. While there are many degrees of varying severity, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder is generally characterized through problems with attention, focus and impulsive behavior.
ADHD comes with its own set of difficulties by itself, so when some people in my life began to tell me that what I was experiencing wasn't "real," I understandably became confused. I had finally found a way to begin to understand myself. How could this not be real?
Set aside for a moment the fact that ADHD cases have been described dating as far back as 1775. Ignore that for a minute. Ignore the fact that since then, over 10,000 scientific publications have been presented on the topic as well.
Even if you could, it is still impossible to deny the existence of this disorder. There are brain scans that prove that those who suffer from ADHD show indisputable differences in development of the brain itself - including reduced grey matter and volume in various regions. We are built differently.
The legitimacy of ADHD is also compromised by the misconception of being "over-diagnosed."
Yes, it is true: the rate of children diagnosed with this disorder has gone up approximately 5% annually. However, this does not mean that the majority of these diagnoses are wrong. This can be contributed to an increase in awareness and decrease in stigma towards ADHD, which is by all means, a wonderful thing.
There is no way to tell if this represents a change in the number of children who have ADHD or a change in the number of children diagnosed with ADHD according to the CDC, but it is just as likely that most cases were misdiagnosed or unreported.
There are a multitude of ways to invalidate the existence of this disorder. From literal erasure to low-key dismissal, I am tired of trying to convince others of the way my brain works.
I think the biggest struggle with ADHD isn't the disorder itself, but rather the way the world around you doesn't seem to see you. It's not that you are lazy. It's not that you are dumb. You do not need more discipline, and you are not just a procrastinator who just likes to waste time.
Write the article at the last second because that's the way you are, but make sure to turn it in. Fidget in the middle of class, but make sure you're at the front of the class when you're doing it. Our brains work a little differently, and that's okay.
