The Struggle Of Being A Black Girl That Loves White Guys

The Struggle Of Being A Black Girl That Loves White Guys

Chocolate/vanilla swirl.

Let’s all take a journey back to 2003, when the first "Cheetah Girls" movie premiered on Disney Channel. Imagine 8-year-old me on the floor enjoying girl-power music and perfectly styled monochrome velour jumpsuits. Then Derek (played by Kyle Schmid) steamily brushes Galleria (played by Raven-Symone, when she still identified herself as black) on the cheek and says, “But you know, you’re still my boo.” In this moment, I knew from the bottom of my soul that I was attracted to white boys.

This realization affected more than just my romantic life; apparently dating outside of your race is still a strangely unique thing in the 21st century. My attraction to people who do not share the same skin color as me has opened my eyes to how prevalent stereotypes still are to the world of interracial dating. As progressive as society claims to be, people of all races have still asked me so many ignorant questions about my dating preferences. Here is a list of some of the most annoying struggles of being a black girl who likes white boys.

“So, what do your parents say?”

This has got to be the number one most annoying question that I get asked pretty much any time people find out that I have had white boyfriends. I’m not sure if people are expecting a huge scandal involving me getting disowned from my family and having to move in with friends from my interracial relationship support group, but I’m sorry to disappoint. My parents want nothing but the best for me and are happy to accept anyone that brings joy to my life. I know, it’s shocking, but my parents want the best for me.

“So, why do you hate black men?”

For the record: I love black men. Just because I also love white guys does not mean that I have anything against the chocolate loveliness that is blackness. It just so happens that vanilla is yummy too. No, a single black man did not “ruin” me, making me turn to other races, and no, I don’t think black is whack. I just enjoy being around people of all different cultures. Also, I have been with black guys, so please don’t ask me that either.

“How did you get a white boy? Can you help me?”

At first, this was one of the most annoying things I could hear for two reasons: first, I did not change anything about myself to “get” a white guy. Second, I am not the spokesperson for white guys who like black girls. Yes, I do have a twisted sense of humor and I have referred to myself as “the white boy magnet,” but if we are being serious, please don’t treat me like e-Harmony. I do not actively seek white men, partly because I am not exclusively attracted to one race, but also because I am more into someone’s personality than anything else. If you truly want to be with someone only because of his or her race, you should reevaluate what you want in a relationship.

“Are you doing this because you want mixed kids?”

No. No. No. No. I am not dating a white man because I want mixed kids. This is a horribly offensive statement to make in 2016. One, I am 21, and I am not on the look out for the finest sperm specimen for my future children. Two, the fact that anyone would even assume that I would desire a white father just so that my kids are less black than I am is ridiculous. If that thought even crosses your mind long enough for you to have the audacity to verbalize it to me, I am questioning why you think I would desire a child that isn’t black. Why would you assume that blackness is so bad I would do that?

“Does this mean that you’re ashamed of your race?”

Out of all the ridiculous things that I have heard, this is probably the most offensive. Just because I am attracted to guys of all races does not make me love my race less. I love being a black woman, and anyone who knows me is aware that I am a huge advocate for many issues in the black community. That being said, my attraction to other races is a reflection on how I feel about other people, not how I feel about myself. It shows that I think everyone of every race is beautiful in his or her own way, and I don’t just see beauty in people that look like me. Yes, I think chocolate skin and curly hair is so amazing, but I also love fair skin and blue eyes. No one race is superior to another, and we all as human beings have unique beauty.

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To The Parent Who Chose Addiction

Thank you for giving me a stronger bond with our family.


When I was younger I resented you, I hated every ounce of you, and I used to question why God would give me a parent like you. Not now. Now I see the beauty and the blessings behind having an addict for a parent. If you're reading this, it isn't meant to hurt you, but rather to thank you.

Thank you for choosing your addiction over me.

Throughout my life, you have always chosen the addiction over my programs, my swim meets or even a simple movie night. You joke about it now or act as if I never questioned if you would wake up the next morning from your pill and alcohol-induced sleep, but I thank you for this. I thank you because I gained a relationship with God. The amount of time I spent praying for you strengthened our relationship in ways I could never explain.

SEE ALSO: They're Not Junkies, You're Just Uneducated

Thank you for giving me a stronger bond with our family.

The amount of hurt and disappointment our family has gone through has brought us closer together. I have a relationship with Nanny and Pop that would never be as strong as it is today if you had been in the picture from day one. That in itself is a blessing.

Thank you for showing me how to love.

From your absence, I have learned how to love unconditionally. I want you to know that even though you weren't here, I love you most of all. No matter the amount of heartbreak, tears, and pain I've felt, you will always be my greatest love.

Thank you for making me strong.

Thank you for leaving and for showing me how to be independent. From you, I have learned that I do not need anyone else to prove to me that I am worthy of being loved. From you, I have learned that life is always hard, but you shouldn't give into the things that make you feel good for a short while, but should search for the real happiness in life.

Most of all, thank you for showing me how to turn my hurt into motivation.

I have learned that the cycle of addiction is not something that will continue into my life. You have hurt me more than anyone, but through that hurt, I have pushed myself to become the best version of myself.

Thank you for choosing the addiction over me because you've made me stronger, wiser, and loving than I ever could've been before.

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5 Songs to Add to Your Playlist This Month

Spring into finals week (and the summer) by "cleaning up" your playlist


Here are some fun, fresh new tracks to check out as you finish out the rest of the school year and help you get out of your "music comfort zone!"

“Patience” by Tame Impala 

Genre: Electronic/Alternative

Tame Impala FINALLY released new music (!!), and this track is absolutely stunning. With frontrunner Kevin Parker staying on brand with the band's psychedelic, seemingly ethereal style, it sounds like a combination of 70s soft rock and waves of modern-day electronica, with Parker's voice drifting in and out in a kind of otherworldly, mellowed-out manner.

“Harmony Hall” by Vampire Weekend 

Genre: Alternative/Indie Pop

Vampire Weekend is also releasing an album, entitled "Father of the Bride", on May 3rd. From the looks of it, this track relates to the theme of marriage/weddings present in the album's title, and it is a fun, upbeat song that I have been listening to a lot in the morning as I'm getting ready for class! Ezra Koenig's voice is so unique and can cover a broad range, and I highly recommend listening to some of the band's other work as well ("Step" from their 2013 release "Modern Vampires of the City" is one of my all-time favorite songs!).

“Ready to Let Go” by Cage the Elephant 

Genre: Alternative/Alternative Rock

So many great artists are (finally) releasing new albums this year, and Cage the Elephant falls into this category. This track is an absolute banger and doesn't stray much from the band's style in that it includes a lot of loud guitar and dynamic vocals. Like Vampire Weekend, Cage the Elephant has been around since the early 2000s, and I highly recommend checking out some of their earlier work as well (big fan of their most recent album, actually!)

“Apple Orchard” by Beach House 

Genre: Indie/Electronic

Beach House is one of my favorite bands of all time, as I find a kind of an ethereal, beautiful sadness in the dreamy style of instrumentalist Alex Scally and lucid vocals of singer Victoria Legrand. This track is from their 2006 self-titled debut and is probably one of my favorite songs they've ever released. The lyrics are poetic and perfect for the post-finals enjoyment of spring weather, in that they preach relaxation and restfulness, and the song's electronic rhythms echo the essence of spring as well. If you like this song, then I highly recommend checking out the band's other albums as well (Depression Cherry is one of my favorite albums of all time).

“April Come She Will” by Simon & Garfunkel 

Genre: 60s Pop

No spring playlist is complete without a little Simon & Garfunkel! This song is a classic, its timeless, poetic lyrics capturing the epitome of the coming of spring and all its glory. In fact, I consider the entire album (entitled Sound of Silence) to be perfect for the pleasantness and feelings of renewal/natural revitalization associated with the coming months, so be sure to give it a listen if you haven't heard it before!

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