Recently I have been reading the novel, “The Defining Decade” written by Meg Jay. I was first introduced to it by a my roommate and best-friend, after she felt very moved by the book.
The book highlights the idea of why being in your twenties is the most crucial time in your life and how the decade ultimately determines the way you live your life in the years to come. Now, the twenties is a time for self discovery; a time that prior generations did not have, but instead went to work rather than university.
Most people in college have their “friend groups” that they tend to always hangout with. This is normal because college can feel like an ocean at times. The twenties is a period in our lives were there are so many choices and opportunities to choose from that it can often feel somewhat overwhelming.
My mother always told me, “Too much of anything is a bad thing”.
I think of her words when I read about the term “Weak Ties”. While having a comfortable friend group can be enjoyable, it can sometimes be limiting. By having only an immediate friend group, it can restrain you from meeting other influential people in life, especially in college.
Weak Ties are labeled as the people who are the friends you might meet in class, in line at Starbucks, at clubs and events and even perhaps your neighbors. Being in contact with the same few people only lets you see part of the world and when you allow other people into your life, you can be exposed to a multitude of opportunities and directions. In her book, Meg jay states, “The Urban tribe may bring us soup when we are sick, but it is the people we hardly know— those who never make it into our tribe— who will swiftly and dramatically change our lives for the better. ”(Jay, 19-20)
The urban tribe represents the people we are most comfortable with and we consider best friends, but it is the people we don't know well who have the ability to show us new ways of seeing the world. They tend to offer different perspectives that we otherwise would not experience ourselves with the friends we would normally be with.
We go to these ties after college asking for jobs or even for catching up at a coffee shop. Without these ties, we would limit ourselves in the workplace and in other meaningful relationships.
After reading Meg Jay’s book I’ve come to realize one thing: never become too comfortable. Having weak ties forces us to change and change can be good. Too often change is associated with the idea of scary new starts, but this is not the case.
Change gives us chances to re-invent ourselves and live our lives to our fullest potential.
So next time you think of a friend you barely know or those connections you may have from college, don't be afraid to just give them a call. Say yes to new outcomes. Just have the courage to meet new people, create new experiences and chase after the dreams you never thought of reaching.
Jay, Meg, PhD. "Chapter 2." The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter and How to Make the Most of Them Now. New York: Twelve, 2012. 19-20. Print.
