Roughly around a year ago, I was in the worst place of my life.

I couldn’t serve a mission due to all these mental health problems, my parents were getting divorced, and my boyfriend at the time was over three thousand miles away. My world around me was crashing down.

I felt like I came home from college just to see everything that I build fall apart. So I started losing control. I became more depressed no matter how much I saw my psychiatrist. My medicine seems to help some of my symptoms, but not all of them.

I reached the point a month ago where I decided I was just done. I wanted to end it all. I told my parents I was fed up with everything and I didn’t care. I didn’t care about my job and my life and anyone in it. My dad decided that night I needed to be checked into treatment.

After the weekend, I packed and went to the emergency room where I waited seven hours to be transferred to Mansfield where I spent five days off the grid. I didn’t have the internet or a phone or really anything to do with the outside world.

It was the best five days of my life. I went to therapy a couple times a day and I opened up about the changes going on in my life and the struggles. I realized in all my time alone I was a fighter and that my mental health was the most important thing.

After staying in the hospital, I decided I really wanted to get a semi-colon tattoo. I have always felt the need to get one after my mother got one but the need was more apparent after my hospital stay. The semi-colon tattoo to me means that I got past all of my self-harm and depression and everything and that I am going to keep going no matter the good or the bad days.

I named my butterfly Finley after a two-year-old I met almost two months ago at a party. She’s my boyfriend’s cousin’s daughter and she stuck to me like glue. I had so much fun with her just hanging out. We played and chilled and it gave me a new outlook on life.

It made me realize that my life is actually worth living for. I have been a self-harm survivor since I was thirteen years old and having my tattoo parallel to my scars actually means a lot to me.

The fact that I can say my butterfly is my first tattoo is just a symbol to how important my mental health is to me. I know for a fact that I still struggle with my mental health and some days are not as good as the others, but, in the end, it does get better.

Now, I have a reminder that no matter what, the sun will come out tomorrow. I am a fighter in the war against myself and I will come out on top.