Find It Hard To Apologize? Here's All The Sorries We Should Have Said

All The Sorries We Should Have Said

Do you struggle saying "I'm sorry"? You're not alone.

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"I'm sorry."

It's two short words that I find incredibly hard to utter sometimes. I think many people struggle to get the words out, especially when they aren't exactly sure what else they want to say. For me, I hate saying I'm sorry if I don't have my thoughts collected if I haven't sifted through all my feelings and prepared a long speech on why I'm so sorry.

It's so much easier to forgive than it is to apologize. Even when I've wanted to apologize, there's something about actually doing it that chokes me up a bit or that makes me feel timid. Maybe it's a pride thing- no one wants to feel small or stupid. Recently I've been thinking about how I like forgiving more than I do apologizing, which is odd considering it's ridiculously hard for me to forget a past transgression, no matter how much I want to. That got me to thinking about how others forgive.

When I've hurt someone, when I've been out of line, and I finally muster up the strength to apologize, do they forgive and forget? Are they like me and try their hardest to push the past into the back of their minds? Did they think it was a half-assed attempt? I think for many of us we can be kind of oblivious to the pain we cause others, even if we don't mean to do any harm. We can be even more oblivious to how people respond to our apologies or lack thereof.

I know I've hurt people; I'm not a perfect person. That's no excuse, it's just the truth- no one is perfect. We've all messed up many times before, we've betrayed people's trust, we've let people down, and the list can go on and on. I often wonder if I've given the proper apologies, though. I wonder if people felt my remorse if they accepted my "I'm sorry?"

To the people I've let down- I'm sorry. I'm sorry for giving you high hopes just to let them crash and burn. I'm sorry I didn't carry my own weight.

To the people I've turned my back on- I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I didn't stick by your side, that I didn't keep my promise to be there for you.

To the people I've been icy with- I'm sorry. I'm sorry for giving you the cold shoulder, for making a biting remark when I was in a mood, for treating coldly and being distant. You didn't deserve that, not then and not ever.

To the people who forgave me- thank you. I'm sorry I gave you any reason to have to forgive me at all.

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We Need To Stop Treating Arranged Marriages Like Business Deals

We need to stop treating marriages like business deals where the groom gets dowry in exchange for his willingness to marry and the bride gets a husband in exchange for dowry.

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When I was thirteen years old, I spent my summer break at my cousin sister's place. She spilled steaming hot tea all over her thigh leaving a huge burn scar. The first thing my aunt said to her was "What would your future husband think about that scar? You should have been more careful." My cousin was just fourteen.

Growing up, we are made to believe that marriage is the most important thing in a woman's life and is going to be her biggest achievement. I thought it was hideous how we were made to believe this and pressurized to get married in fear of what society would think until I realized just how hideous the process of an arranged marriage itself is.

According to an IPSOS survey conducted in 2013, 74% of Indian marriages are arranged. Being the youngest sibling and cousin, I watched a lot of my older family members and relatives getting arranged marriages. Having spent most of my life in India, I have witnessed no other marriages than arranged marriages. It is funny to me how people have a checklist of superficial expectations like stereotypical beauty standards and unrealistic salary expectations. From publishing ads like "In search of a slim, tall, fair, very beautiful, homely girl who knows how to cook and sew" in the newspaper, the process of finding a groom or bride through an arranged marriage couldn't be more misogynistic and sexist.

Surrounded by all this, I penned down a poem in hope that we would stop treating marriages like business deals where the groom gets dowry in exchange for his willingness to marry and the bride gets a husband in exchange for dowry.

I

The glass bangles on her wrist jingled as she placed a plate of laddoos in front of the guests,

She wondered if this was the family that would finally pass her parents' tests.

"Oh! She is as fair as milk" the boy's mother exclaimed,

Her cheeks flushed to the color of scarlet under her dupatta as trained.

"He is too short" to her mother, he didn't appeal,

The deal wasn't sealed.

II

When no suitable match was found, the search was still profound.

"Hush," the girl's mother whispered "Don't tell them about the burn on the leg of the bride"

"What man will marry her once he finds?"

Another man arrived, tall, fair, and handsome- he was perfect,

Except that huge mole on his cheek which left him imperfect.

"The mole doesn't complement his face" to her aunt, he didn't appeal,

The deal wasn't sealed.

III

Still no luck in finding a groom,

Her father placed a matrimonial ad.

"Searching for a suitable groom, engineer or doctor, 25, fair, slim, vegetarian, no disabilities" the ad read,

The ad was published in multiple newspapers so that she could finally be wed.

Another boy arrived, but this time the tables turned,

"What? She can't cook?" the boy's mother was left concerned

"Oh, what a shame" to his parents' she didn't appeal,

The deal wasn't sealed.

IV

When everything had been tried, a Jyotish was consulted,

Vastu remedies for delay in marriage he suggested.

"Fast for sixteen consecutive days, the kitchen shouldn't be in the southwest."

Yet another boy arrived, tall, fair, slim, no moles- he seemed the best,

With everything from their checklist of expectations checked, everyone seemed to be impressed.

"But his earnings are so less," her father was left depressed.

To nobody he appealed,

The deal still wasn't sealed.

V

The number of grooms decreased as her age increased,

The girl walked in with a plate of laddoos, but this time from the southeast.

"Oh my god, the bride can't cook," the boy's mother noticed,

Thankfully the burn on her leg went unnoticed.

Double the dowry was demanded,

Her father's savings made sure the groom's family didn't leave empty-handed,

The girl's mother approved the boy, so did her mother's mother,

And her uncle, his wife, and their daughter

Even to the distant relatives, he appealed,

The deal was finally sealed.

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To My Dog In Her Old Age, Your Day Is Soon Approaching–Until Then, Let's Spend All The Time We Can Together

I will never take our time for granted

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14 years have come and gone with my best friend by my side. I couldn't have asked for a better companion to grow up with. There's nothing in this world that beats the feeling of coming home to a wagging tail, and it's something that should never be taken for granted.

You are definitely not the same dog you used to be now that you're getting older. You used to love going for walks, but now you pout every time I pull out the leash. You used to run around and bark whenever someone came home, but now we're lucky if you can even hear the door open.

You wobble when you walk and sometimes you slip and fall, but you get right back up again and brush it off. You sleep for most of the day and the most exciting part of your day is eating. You are officially a senior dog, which means your time to go will be here before you know it.

But I don't pay attention to how much you've changed. I only focus on the puppy that you still are. You still play and chase your tail. You still get super excited to see me after being home alone all day. You still love long car rides with the windows down so you can try to bite the other cars as they drive by.

You may be 14 years old, but you've never outgrown your puppy personality. At least now you don't chew holes in the couch.

You are a dog, and dogs are here to make us happy. They are here to make us feel less alone. And you have done just that. You have spent your whole life making me and my family as happy as we could be. You have gone everywhere with us to make sure that we are happy no matter what. By simply existing, you have made me happier than I've ever been. You did your job, and you did it well.

Every day brings us closer to the day you'll say goodbye forever. And when that day comes, it will be devastating for everyone who loved you. But that day isn't here yet, so until then, let's spend all the time we can together.

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