Anxiety comes in all forms. No one experiences it the exact same way as someone else. It's triggered differently by everyone and some may not even realize that it happens. Let me tell you a bit about it; anxiety is defined as follows:
Anxiety: (n.) A feeling of worry, nervousness or unease. Typically with an imminent event with an uncertain outcome. A nervous disorder characterized by a state of excessive uneasiness and apprehension, typically with compulsive behavior and panic attacks.
People who don't suffer from anxiety or panic attacks often don't understand what it's like. A few years ago, my best friend had a panic attack during class. She abruptly left the classroom, and I quickly followed. I tried to talk to her, tell her it would be okay, and hug her. She jumped at my touch and stepped back, crying harder. I didn't understand what I had done, for I had only been trying to comfort her. Not knowing what she felt like, I couldn't help the way she needed me to.
Over the years, I began to develop anxiety. New situations made me feel nauseous, I was hesitant about everything and oftentimes I got overwhelmed at the smallest situations. I had this never ending knot in my stomach that seemed to tighten whenever I got anxious. It began to get worse, and those anxious feelings developed into full scale attacks. My breathing got rapid and shallow, heartbeat increased, and sometimes I'd even cry.
Just a few hours ago, I sat in my boyfriend's apartment on the floor, folding laundry while we watched a movie. I could feel it rising up in me. I was unable to sit still as I felt it in my chest. My leg began to shake. It hit my throat and I started to panic. Finally, I sat there quietly and began to cry over absolutely nothing. He tried to comfort me and asked what was wrong. No matter what I say, 'nothing' will never be an acceptable answer. He knows I worry about everything and it only makes him think that I'm worrying about some irrelevant subject.
My anxiety may be hard to deal with at times, and it may occur for no reason in particular, but learning to control it is not something that is easy to do. It makes you feel like you're crawling out of your skin, like you're being clawed at from the inside. I feel helpless, like a puppet with tied up strings being pulled and forced to jump about. If you don't know the feeling that I'm talking about, take the time to understand someone with anxiety. Read this next line:
It. Really. Sucks.
Here's something else to understand:
We can't help it. It's how we are.
Read that over until you get the idea.
To my best friend: I'm sorry I couldn't understand what you were going through. I'm sorry I couldn't help you the way you needed to be. You're so strong. I'm proud of you.
To those who love someone with anxiety: it's not an easy thing to understand. I know you're trying your very best and I'm sure they really appreciate you being there. Keep trying and know what they need. Everyone requires something different.
My anxiety doesn't define who I am. I don't give it the chance to. Instead, I do my best to keep it as a part of me and use it to see just how far I've come.
