My life was not in shambles, but I was. I felt lost, and I was searching for something, anything to make me feel fulfilled. I was trying my best to feel whole, but I did not know how. Little did I know that the best solution, the only solution, was staring right back at me when I would rip myself apart each morning while standing in front of my mirror. I was sad, and I could not understand why I felt so incomplete. Exhausted and finished with being mean to myself, I began on the most important journey that my life has experienced. It took months, along with a gargantuan amount of effort, but I fell in love with myself, and here is how I did it.

I changed the way I spoke to myself.

My mother is the most positive and influential voice in my life, and she has always spoken to me in the kindest and most uplifting way. If I was ever feeling down about myself, my mom was my go-to lady. I hated the fact that my mom had a daughter that did not like herself, even when she looked at me like I was her most prized possession, and loved me more than anything. How could I not love myself when she loved me so much that she would give her life up for mine in a millisecond? Although I do not have a child yet, I know that I will love them the same way my mother loves me now, purely and unconditionally, and that’s how I wanted to love my own self. So, I decided to start speaking to myself as if I was my own child. I did not say anything to myself that my mother wouldn’t say to me, and I did not say anything to myself that I wouldn’t say to my own child. As a result of doing this, I became more accepting of my own mistakes and flaws, comfortable and accurate with giving myself constructive criticism, and raised the bar to how I would let others treat me.

I pushed my boundaries.

Whether I wanted to or not, I made sure I tried a new activity every week that I was not comfortable doing. These new experiences usually consisted of trying a new Zumba or Spinning class at my gym, or signing up for an art class that I had never tried before. My main objective was to simply start living my life. Of course I was nervous trying new things, but the new and improved voices in my head would reassure me that I was fine and that I will continue to be fine, and guess what; I turned out just fine.

The more I added spices of spontaneity and twists and turns to my days, the more I found myself saying ‘yes’ to new experiences. I figured out what I was good and bad at, and what I liked and did not like. I found out that I loved Spinning as a form of exercise, that I am pretty exceptional at stained glass art, and also found out that my Aquatic Zumba class held some of the sweetest women I had ever met. I even discovered that I love wasabi seaweed as a snack. Who knew? My life was gaining depth, and I was uncovering more and more activities that made me a happier and healthier human. I started to teach myself to figure skate again, which I had not done since I was younger. By pushing my boundaries and essentially doing away with my comfort zone, I found out that I was pretty good at certain things I would have never known I had a knack for. My newfound abilities and transformative self replaced my feelings of uselessness and unproductivity, and I was having a pretty fun time.

I didn’t accept what I thought my future child didn’t deserve.

As I previously stated, I spoke to myself the way I would speak to my own child; so I figured, why not take it a step further? I could not picture my own child deserving anything but the utmost of respect, kindness, and support, so why shouldn’t I deserve the same treatment? My mother was always telling me, "you receive the love you think you deserve," and after escaping a pretty emotionally abusive relationship a few months prior, I was more than finished with wasting my time with people who were simply undeserving of me. I was tired of accepting the treatment that I knew was disproportionate to who I was.

Would I accept my son or daughter being treated any way but the way they deserve? Absolutely not. My own mother has consistently shown me that it is human nature to want nothing but the best for your children, and anything less than the best is unsatisfactory—and the same goes for me. Because of this mental policy I had incorporated into my life, I found out which friends were worth keeping, and set a standard for the good quality friends I would soon meet. With the better quality people that I had befriended, my life was further fulfilled with the joy these amazing people would instill in my life each day.

My true friends brought amazing qualities out of me, and each of them served a positive and enlightening purpose within my life, and accompanied me on my journey to live a loving life. By only accepting what I knew I concretely deserved, I weeded out the people who were dehydrating my happiness for their own gain, and focused on the ones who lifted me up and loved me as much as I loved myself.

So there you have it, this is how I fell in love with myself. For anyone grappling with the idea of falling in love with your own selves, grasp that the resolution is totally worth it. I know that this is all so much easier said than done, but please take solace in the fact that although it can be a long process, it worked wonders for me. Regardless of the method of your choice, this will always be true: the positive energy you infuse into your soul will never be a disappointment or valueless; you give what you get. If you give yourself the love, you will most definitely get the love. Don’t give up; falling in love with myself was no easy undertaking, however, being in love with myself is the easiest commodity I have ever possessed.