The Secret Battle We're All Fighting

I recently saw this pin on Pinterest. It was kind of along the lines of someone feeling exhausted and not knowing why. Then the final answer was saying that whoever was reading it was fighting a battle inside their head. And that is exhausting. Fighting a battle everyday inside your head is exhausting. The worst part is, no one can see this war that you are constantly fighting. It sucks having to wake up every morning and not just prepare for a day full of classes, but prepare for a war that you can’t ever escape. I know that I have spent many nights awake still fighting this battle.

For those of you who really know me, you know that I struggle with self-worth and insecurities. For those of you who don’t know me, I struggle a lot with my self-worth. I’ve been saying a lot recently that I have come a far cry from where I was. And that’s true, I have. I don’t hate the world around me as much, and I know that my worth doesn’t come from my friends or family, because they will ultimately fail me, just like I will ultimately fail them. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t relapse and start have hateful thoughts, both toward myself and the world. Just because my heart is slowly softening doesn’t mean that it won’t harden for a few days. I’m learning to love humanity again, but that’s mean I don’t mumble something about hating people every so often. I still put my worth into the hands of those around me. I know I’m going to get hurt but maybe this time something will change and people will become perfect.

See, this battle is a forever thing. Some days are significantly easier than others. Other days it feels like the battle rages on and you couldn’t possible survive it. But I promise you that you will make it out alive. You will come off the battlefield stronger than you could ever imagine. One day you’ll have to suite up and put all your armor on and fight until you physically cannot fight any more. Another day, you’ll be able you leave your sward at home. My philosophy of life is that all storms end and wars can’t last forever. I understand that this battle that we fight in our heads may seem to last forever, but it will end. Whether we find shelter here on earth or the peace treaty is signed at the end of our lives, the battle must end.

I’ve always described how I felt to almost everyone that I feel like I’m fighting a battle with no end in sight. I want to raise my white flag early and call it quits. But that’s not a bad thing. It’s okay to surrender. Give up the battle because someone out there is stronger than you can fight it for you. They can fight with you. They won’t let you surrender alone. And they will give it their all just for you. This battle might not have an end in sight just yet, but I promise you there is an end. Just have faith. Know that it’s okay to feel exhausted. You’re fight a battle that only you know about. It’s okay. Just do not call it quits for good. Do not completely surrender until it’s over and you have won.