I was driving in my car alone one summer night last year and I felt a scorpion crawling around under my feet. There I was stuck in my car at a four way intersection with a scorpion running loose somewhere near me. I stopped my car and put my hazards on until I gathered enough courage to put my feet back on the pedals and drive to the nearest gas station. The only thing I could think while I was driving was “there is a scorpion in here and it’s going to bite me!” At the gas station I searched my car for a good ten minutes before I realized there was no scorpion and there had never been one.

I brought up the incident to my doctor and she told me that I had experienced an anxiety attack. I had no idea that anxiety attacks could cause delusions/hallucinations. My anxiety had kept me from going out in public, going to school, going to work, enjoying my friend’s wedding, and even being able to communicate or spend time with my family. Anxiety had robbed me of a lot of precious moments, but it had never reached this level. It might seem silly that I feared there was a scorpion in my car, but that’s exactly what anxiety is. It’s the intense fear of almost anything thing and it interferes with your life despite the fact that the fear is completely unfounded. Since the day I found out the intensity of my anxiety attacks, I decided I wasn’t going to let anxiety take control of my life anymore.

Fighting Back

I was in control. I started going out, and visiting old friends even though I was uncomfortable. It felt really freeing to be around other people. I started to appreciate who I was. At one point my anxiety was so bad that I couldn’t look in the mirror. I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin and I didn’t like who I was. Slowly as I broke out of my oppressive shell I learned that I will never be perfect but that my life has meaning. I learned to love my flaws and appreciate who I really was.

Working Past My fear

I knew my limits. When I first started to break out of my shell I limited my outings. I’d go out with someone that I was close to and avoid going to places that I knew would be too crowded. At that time I couldn’t handle a room full of people because it would be too overwhelming. As time went on, I felt more secure in myself to go to places alone. I could go to family parties or the mall with my friends and that was a huge accomplishment. Gradually I started to feel more comfortable around other people

Another huge part of conquering my anxiety was figuring out healthy ways to relieve stress. Praying plays a huge part in my stress relief. Casting all of my fears and worries on God helps me clear my head and take away my anxieties. For example if I’m having anxiety about waiting to hear back about a job I remember God’s promise “that he makes all things work together for our good.” This promise allows me to free myself of any worry because I know that he has a plan for my life and that what’s meant to be will be.
Eating healthy and exercising helped a lot too. When I wake up feeling anxious I’ll go for a run and eat healthy for the rest of the day. I feel my anxiety vanish but I’ll also feel so much better about myself. Anxiety can cause a lack of motivation but I find when I’m least motivated having a support system to help push me to achieve my goals is beyond helpful. If you want to eat healthier but don’t have the patience to slave over a salad; making a simple smoothie is an option, and even drinking more water can help. Even if you don’t go out and run for a mile just getting out of the house and getting some fresh air can be greatly beneficial.

When it's unavoidable

sometimes anxiety will be completely unavoidable and at those times I feel myself lose control. It will be seemingly impossible for me to speak and I will start shaking and crying for seemingly no reason when the truth is that I'm too overwhelmed. When this happens I still try to fight back and be proactive but it doesn't always work. Sometimes I just need to cry it out, reflect on why I'm having anxiety, and voice what's wrong. A few days ago I had a panic attack with my boyfriend and his mom during dinner and couldn't bring to words what was happening. I had to leave the table and luckily for me they knew what was happening and were very supportive. At moments like this I usually text my mom and ask her to pray for me and she always does. I couldn't stop myself from crying for what seemed like forever so my boyfriend held me until I felt better. Afterwards he and his mom took me on a four mile walk and it took whatever anxieties I had left away. Anxiety will not always be easy to control. There will be times when I won't be able to contain myself and during those times it's important to have a strong support system and to be completely aware of what's going on. To just let the emotions flood through and feel them all. Anxiety isn't a sign of weakness but one of being too overwhelmed at once.

Recognizing the intensity of my anxiety changed my life. I wasted a lot of my life giving in to my anxiety, but I promised myself never to let that happen again. I’m in charge of myself. I can’t control how others view me or what happens to me but I can control how I react and what kind of situations I put myself in. Anxiety is a bitch but it’s not going to rob me of the joy and many blessings this life has to offer. I encourage anyone with anxiety to stand up and overcome it. Break out of your shell and feel free to be you, anxiety isn’t who you are it’s an obstacle you’re facing. And on the days when you feel the emotion flooding through you too fast and you can’t control your breathing, shaking, or tears just ride the wave. Develop a strong support system and know how to voice that you’re not okay. At times like that remember “this too shall pass”. I know you can overcome it just as I have.