When I originally left for my semester abroad in London, I imagined what I would be like four months into the future. I pictured a more confident, fashion-forward, well-traveled and independent woman arriving home in May. I was somewhat right in this expectation, as I had gained a new sense of self-sufficiency during my time abroad and had learned how to dress somewhat more fashionably.
However, I also pictured myself spending loads of time with all my high school friends and my family once I got home. I pictured my life going back to completely normal when I got home. It has, in a way, returned to its comforting normalcy, but it took a long time before I could feel this way.
Like I said, everything has more or less adjusted back to normal at this point. But, also like I've said, it took some time.
Although I pictured myself going immediately back to my normal life at home, there wasn't anything homey about my first few weeks home. My family, while they missed me very much, learned how to live their lives without me and almost didn't need me around the house. They got so used to not having me around that it seemed almost strange for them when I came home. Like I keep saying, of course they enjoyed my being back home and missed me, but it still hurt to see them adjusted to my absence.
The thing that hurt me the worst, that hit me in my deepest of thoughts, was that my best friend from childhood had found another best friend while I was gone. We're still close, but it stings to know that she is closer to someone else now because I was abroad. It has given me trust issues for friendships in the future, I'm afraid.
There are many, many wonderful and exciting things about studying abroad (or just leaving home for awhile, for that matter), and many reasons why everyone who has the opportunity to do so should. I absolutely think studying abroad is a fantastic experience and would do it all over again.
But the sad thing is, your life changes while you're gone.
Your family finds a way to fill the space you've left in your absence.
Your friends find other people to spend their time with and tell their problems to.
When you get back from an incredible experience like one abroad, you want nothing more than to spend your time with your people from home and tell them all about your experiences. But it's not always that way. Most of your friends are either jealous or don't really care about what you've done this past semester. Your family is happy to have you back and that's about it. No one quite understands what you're thinking or how you feel when you get back.
Everyone has moved on, and this uneasy feeling of being replaced sets in. You start to think that maybe, just maybe, you don't belong in your home anymore. That maybe your true home is abroad.
Although I've comfortably settled back into my home and am happy here, there's still an underlying sense of disengagement here. The other day I was at the local grocery store, which I've been going to since I was born, and I couldn't help but remember how much more belongingness I felt in my local Tesco in London than I did there, in my hometown, Kroger.
There are moments where you wonder if you should have ever left to study abroad, and if you should have ever left your home abroad. The experiences I've had during my time abroad have been fantastic and insightful, but I struggle with fitting these experiences into my life here at home. I find it hard to connect with people who haven't experienced the same things I have.
However, despite all the stress and disengagement studying abroad may cause for you, this is not a common post-abroad experience. Everyone's family and friends are different. I am by no means saying that anyone should avoid studying abroad, because it was the best experience of my life and it has been worth everything. I would do it all over again if I could.
In the long run, I know this will be a good experience because I know one day that I want to move out of Ohio and into greener pastures. I want to live a big city life eventually, which will involve me being away from my hometown for long stretches of time. My experience abroad has only been practice up until now, and I'm glad I've gotten the hard part out of the way. Now I have confidence in my family life and friendships at home, even when I'm away.
I have no reason to be afraid of moving away anymore because I know that no matter what, my true friends and family will always be with me no matter what.
