Yeah I know, why? You’re probably thinking, “What lonely collegiate and semi-attractive female is desperate enough to write an article on being single?” Bear with me, I implore you. I just watched the film How to Be Single with Rebel Wilson this past weekend, and as predictable as it was, it still conveyed a message that we don’t hear very often. During the whole movie, the main character was trying to spend her single life looking for love when in the end she realized she was misunderstanding the whole point of being single.
I’ve come to realize that every time I have a conversation with an old friend, the question, “Is there a guy?” comes up. Most of the time, the question is just a rise for small talk, but when people answer no, it is followed by a thorough explanation and then in response, an understanding, but condescending smile. “You don’t have anybody? Oh, that’s okay, you’ll find somebody, I’m sure.”
The whole duration of my life, almost twenty years, I’ve had time to ponder what it means to be single and the correct way to do it. Personally, I’ve never been able to commit to anything, so when it comes to relationships, I’m not even remotely qualified to give any advice. But, that’s okay, because I have loads on what to say on being alone.
Single (according to Oxford Dictionary): not accompanied by others; alone.
Alone. The word itself seems like a cold, distant idea. Our society has molded us to be dependent on relationships and the idea of being in love. Our dependence on relationships with other people has grown to the extent where if one of our friends is single, we immediately try to find a solution to end their loneliness by suggesting online dating websites like Tinder or taking them to the bar to mingle with other lonely people. We crave affection, and when we don’t have it, we go to great lengths to find it.
We’re constantly throwing ourselves into short-lived flings that ultimately hurt us in the end, sleeping around with different people to find a stable partner, and spending our time alone looking for another lonely person to find a mutually beneficial relationship at least until we can find a better lonely person. It starts to tear us apart after a while. I find it very rare when people just dwell in their singlehood, in their loneliness.
So, how exactly do we do that? How do we live, truly live, by ourselves? The fact is, I believe we were made to be in relationships with other people. Our relationships with other people mold us to who we are and inspire us to be better people. But, I also believe that if we aren’t sure of ourselves and what we want, it is nearly impossible to make any relationship work. Instead of trying to desperately avoid loneliness, we should embrace it and take it as a reason to self-reflect and to better the relationship with ourselves.
Love is a great thing, sure, possibly the greatest thing a person can live for. It’s everything good in this world, and it doesn’t make sense to live without it. What does make sense is that we put all of our effort and time into it. Why shouldn’t we? Let me tell you something I’ve learned over the years. Love isn’t free. It costs our time, effort, heart, and soul. Each time that we buy it, we lose a little bit of ourselves. And without ourselves, we can never make a relationship work and develop into the beautiful thing it’s supposed to be.
