Everyone and their mom has heard the old idiom “don’t judge a book by its cover.” While we all know about it, we still manage to do it every day. But what gives us the right to make assumptions about others? What makes it okay to stereotype someone we don’t truly know? I’ve always been taught the importance of thinking before you speak. One comment or joke could be what pushes someone over the edge. It’s impossible to know what people are going through.

I wanted to take a different approach when dealing with such a topic. It’s one thing to be told that judging others is wrong; it is a more powerful thing to see the impact of doing so. I asked 10 of my close friends (who are all super amazing and diverse) a simple question: what is one thing people assume about you? It was pretty much open-ended from there. I didn’t know what I would get from them but that was all part of the experiment. I was amazed with what was returned to me.

1. Just because I’m quiet in group settings doesn’t mean that I’m a wallflower.

“I hate it when people see me being quiet in big group settings and assume that I'm a reserved or boring person. I love doing things spontaneously and I'm not afraid of getting a random piercing or going on a last minute trip. A lot of people (particularly adults) assume that because I'm not speaking up that I'm a very quiet, vanilla person. And that isn't who I am. I get labeled that way because I'm not as talkative or jokey in front of lots of people.” – Janessa Lynch

2. Just because I’m only an eighth black doesn’t mean that I’m not black.

“It really irks me when people tell me that ‘I'm not really black.’ My sister and I receive comments/jokes like this all the time and it drives us both crazy! Just because we aren't full black doesn't mean we aren't black at all. If schools were to be segregated in today's day and age, my sister and I would be considered African American, and therefore we would be segregated. Whether we are one-eighth or eight-eighths, black is black, and we take pride in being part of such a beautiful race.” – Hailey Wilson (and her sister, Lindsey)

3. Just because I’m a Christian doesn’t mean that I constantly judge everyone for their actions.

“I wear a purity ring and people are so quick to assume that it makes me an uptight, no-fun, judgmental person. The truth is, I love to dress up, go out, have fun with my friends, and of course flirt with guys, because I am still a college girl. I just do what makes me happy, I encourage everyone to do the same! Who am I to judge? All of us are sinners and God calls us to love each other as He loves us - regardless of imperfections.” – Lauren Pettinati

4. Just because I don’t “look” gay doesn’t mean that I’m not.

“Based on common stereotypes, people assume because I’m Asian that I am 'smart' OR people assume I will be talking about how annoyed I am by that assumption. However, I won’t be focusing on the assumptions about my race. The fact is, I’m into girls!! Looking at me people would never guess and I’ve actually had some pretty offensive comments regarding my sexuality. The hardest part is that even other girls who are into girls don’t recognize or acknowledge my sexuality. I don’t have short hair, I don’t wear flannels, and I don’t fit all the other physical qualities of a stereotypical homosexual lady. When I was dating my ex-girlfriends who looked ‘stereotypically’ more gay/lesbian/etc. (labels are strange) people would automatically assume we were just best friends or the more extreme, that I’m just dating a girl to get attention from boys. But because of this, I’ve learned not to automatically label someone’s sexuality based on looks or personality, it’s easier just to ask.” – Mindy Tran

5. Just because I’m tall doesn’t mean that I play basketball.

“As shocking as this might be, I don't play basketball. In fact, when I try to throw the ‘ball’ at the ‘hoop,’ it tends to bounce off in some way that seems both physically and gravitationally impossible. You'll find my 6-foot-4 self sitting in on a court of law before you see me on the basketball court.” – Nico Champion

6. Just because I seem happy and comfortable with myself doesn’t mean that I don’t feel emotional pain.

“I would say that I am generally very friendly, an open book, and that I like to surround myself with people who are like me. I think that my easy nature and outgoing personality has made people assume that they can say certain things in front of me that they don’t realize are offensive. People have gotten a little too comfortable around me and have made some really misogynistic and racist ‘jokes’ and I'm very vocal on educating people when I feel like they have crossed a boundary. I've found that's it's much harder for me to express myself to my friends when I'm not in a good mood or state of mind. For some reason I feel like some people in my life don't take me seriously when I'm hurting about a certain issue or when I’m in the emotional slums. I would really like that to change because I do have my moments where I'm not doing well emotionally and I would appreciate that my feelings are validated and not dismissed. This was a really big issue for me senior year of high school because I was in an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship and was desperately seeking a way to get out of it. I sought out help and a lot of the people in my life weren't there for me. Feelings are important and deserve to be acknowledged.” – Oumoul Setamou

7. Just because I’m in a sorority doesn’t mean that I’m self-centered and dramatic.

“I feel like generally sorority girls are pegged as only caring about their appearance and petty drama. I’m in a sorority and I care about the wellbeing of others. I love doing volunteer work. I care about my grades. I don’t party all the time. I don’t fit the traditional ‘sorority girl’ description, but I love being in a group of strong women that will always support me.” – Addie Keller

8. Just because I’m male doesn’t mean that I can’t be sexually assaulted.

“It's funny how popular and more open people are about sexual assault and how much there is to talk about. It's never been easy for me. I'm not one to ever to speak about my private life or assume the victim card. Which I've accustomed myself to believe. I feel that weakening my credibility and showing vulnerability only breaks down the strong image that I've worked so hard to create. It's also the fact that because I'm male and that I've got some protection or exemption from it. And that it's only worse to experience an act because you could've prevented it or done something to avoid it or see it coming or have had a different take on it. There's too many expectation from outsiders to say you can feel. I've remained silent and kept private because I don't need to feel a way that you allow me to. Some people aren't ever ready to talk about it. Some people won't ever be. I don't know when I will. Therefore it clear as day that for the people that know me or believe to have are astounded to hear such a thing because of who I am as a person and me as a male. Some people think that because I'm male I don't know what's it's like to experience sexual assault.” – Tre Medina

9. Just because I have Southern pride doesn’t mean that I’m racist.

“I think the biggest stereotype for me (it really pertains to issues in today's society) is that because I have a lot of Southern pride I must be racist. My best friend throughout high school was mixed black/Mexican. We worked on countless projects together, played football together, and still go fishing together when we're both home. I just think people need to learn that being Republican and having Southern pride doesn't make you racist. It's just a political viewpoint and how you were raised.” – Caleb Madole

10. Just because I’m not the same race as my dad doesn’t mean that he isn’t my dad.

“I was adopted from China by a single, white father at the age of 17 months old. Growing up with my dad has been the best experience anyone can have. He has provided for me and given me everything I could’ve ever wanted. Now that I’m an adult, I still love spending time with my dad just as I did when I was 10 years old. When I was younger, it never bothered me that I didn’t look like my dad; that feeling started to change as I grew older. One thing that always irks me is when we go out to dinner or go see a movie. I always get the stares, and it makes me feel very uncomfortable. I know exactly what’s going through their heads. Are they married? Is that his girlfriend? She must be a mail order bride! Not that it’s any of your business what kind of relationship we share, but I am his daughter! Let’s be honest, if I was white, there would be no question as to how we are related, but the fact that I’m a different race than my dad makes all the difference. Something no one probably thinks about is that I have to be conscious of the type and placement of rings on my hands. It may seem like a minor detail, but I am very self-conscious because I already have people assuming I’m with this older white dude. The last thing I need is to confirm their assumption with a piece of jewelry on my left ring finger. I don’t regret being a different skin color. I don’t regret being adopted. I don’t regret being his daughter. Even with the assumptions, I wouldn’t trade anything for the world. We have a beautiful life together as father and daughter.” – Kendel King

I hope these 10 very different stories encouraged you to reflect and even relate. Everyone has something about themselves that they hate being pointed out. Everyone feels the heaviness of a false assumption. I challenge you to look at every person with new eyes and a gentle heart.

And to my friends, my subjects: I’m so very lucky to have each and every one of you in my life. This has been one of my favorite things to write and I thank you for letting me to do it.