I don't know about you, but I have a real problem with holding myself accountable in certain aspects of my life. It seems to be a repetitive occurrence for me. I swear to myself I'll go to sleep as soon as I get into bed at 11pm and then BOOM. Next thing I know, it's 1:30 in the morning and I've wasted hours of precious sleeping opportunities scrolling through the various forms of social media on my phone. It's a horrible habit that I desperately need to kick and it happens EVERY NIGHT.
I've always been a night owl by nature and I've always hated mornings. No matter what time I fall asleep the night before (or the morning before), I'm able to sleep until noon or longer without contest. I once slept so long that it was four o'clock by the time I woke up and I still didn't actually become an active human being. Dinner was ready before I eventually rolled out of my self-induced, blanket burrito. I believe that was a really good day. However, in order to succeed as the semi-responsible adult that I am, I'm not usually able to get away with doing this.
Most of us aren't. Work and school steal those precious sleep hours away from us. So late night Twitter marathons until the early hours of the morning really don't help our sleeping patterns at all. But this horrible habit has made me reevaluate my relationship with accountability.
According to Webster's Dictionary, the word 'accountability' is defined as 'an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one's actions.' The concept is very straightforward and there's very little room for interpretation. It's literally telling us to use our abilities to account for our actions. (Account + ability = accountability) *lightbulb* For example, when my car runs out of gas, it's my job to fill it up again for future driving excursions. It's my car, so I must fill it up even though I hate doing it. Accountability is such a simple concept to understand on paper, but here's the rub: When it comes to personal accountability, how do we make ourselves stay true to our own actions? How do we hold ourselves accountable for doing what's right or responsible when we only have ourselves to make sure we follow through?
I cannot tell you how many times I have told myself to workout. It's a never-ending, inner push and pull with myself. And then when I finally find the time to go through with it, I sit on my couch and find myself four episodes deep in my relationship with Netflix. We're very close Netflix and I, but that's another saga for another time.
Every day, there are people here to hold us accountable in different areas of our lives. Teachers make sure we learn and do our work, friends make sure that we don't make stupid social decisions, parents hold their children responsible for their behavior. The list goes on and on. In public it's easy to have a good relationship with accountability, because it's constantly in your face.
But let's be real: personal accountability sucks and it can all be blamed on growing up.
Adulthood is the WORST. It makes me want to travel back in time to visit my six year old self, who claimed to be impatient to grow up, and smack my hand over my mouth before I can utter that abhorrent wish out loud. If this was possible, I'd spend a good twenty minutes telling mini me all about the ridiculous responsibilities and expectations that come along with aging and then I would tell myself to run away to Disney World forever.
A French philosopher and playwright by the name of Jean Paul Sartre once said:
"Man is condemned to be free; because once thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything he does. It is up to you to give [life] a meaning."
Self-accountability has the power to give meaning to our lives as individuals. The expectations of the public has little to do with how we build ourselves in life. Most actions we do in public are for the benefit of other organizations, people, or commitments that are asking for our time. Being accountable to ourselves is a different story. Think of it this way: The choices we make alone will shape the ones we make when we're surrounded by the world. So when I inevitably become an insomniac because of my lack of strength in making myself go to bed, my failure to sleep efficiently will begin to effect the version of myself that others see and I will have no one to blame but myself. In order to make the most of ourselves, we must face the unavoidable truth that having self-accountability is important.
“Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.”
- Gautama Buddha
