In just 18 years of life, I have gone through more than many people ever will in their entire lifetime. My family was ripped apart in front of my own eyes, I have felt as if I wanted to end my life and I became very sick with nowhere to turn. Through all of this, I never lost hope in humanity.
I believe that there are some people who are just evil. Not everyone can be redeemed, and not everyone can suddenly see how they have hurt others around them. But that is only 1% of the population in this world I believe. Maybe even less. But the other 99% of humanity are good. 99% of people have good in them. And that is what I hold on to. I hold on to the thought of hope. I hold on to faith because I believe that God can save anybody. Jesus was the only man that ever walked on this earth that was perfect. He shows perfect love. He was the embodiment of grace and hope.
This week I was hurt very badly by an authority figure who I believed I was helping. I believed that I was making their life easier and I believed that I was making a difference to him and his team. However, I found out the contrary. I had to leave because of reasons I truly do not even know. Something that meant so much to me was taken away from me and I still cannot understand why. This week was trying for me because once again, an adult male figure belittled me and hurt me without a good reason. All I ever wanted to do was help, but because of circumstances I could not control, I was not good enough.
For the majority of my life, men have always hurt me in one way or another. They always seem to take something away from me and I crawl into this hole inside myself, paralyzed from my past. I have had so many legitimate reasons to be mad at God, the world, and people in general. But I choose differently. I choose to believe that God has a purpose for me in other capacities and I believe that I am on this Earth to love others and spread the love of God to the people I encounter on a day to day basis. I believe that pain can be turned into something that can help others.
There is always a piece of me, no matter how much I am hurting, that loves people. I have made a choice to see the little acts of kindness that I witness strangers doing for others. I had one person this week to hurt me, but I had 25+ others by my side. I chose to rally behind the support that I had, instead of disappearing into the hurt and anger I felt from just one person.
There is so much bad in the world that my generation has seen. We see so much death, violence and heartache. But I also believe that there are more and more people that are trying to make a difference. So many choose love and hope over violence and anger. Many college students have seen and been through more than I could ever possibly imagine, but we also have the biggest chance to make a difference. We have the power to change the world, but we cannot do that if we lose faith in people.
How can we spread the love if all we see is hate? I choose to keep my hope because I believe that is why God keeps me on this earth. I believe my purpose is to love others. I believe that we all have a calling to love others. I know that many of you reading this have experienced some of the worst pain imaginable, but I have too. Don’t lose your light. Don’t lose sight of your calling. Jamie Tworkowski said, “Love is the movement” and there is nothing more true.
