There are thousands of cliché stories out there: two extremely bubbly sorority girls meet, and BAM, instant friends. When you join a sorority, you hear about those famous Big/Little pairs: the ones talked about in the Greek community as Brangelina (or whoever is famous these days), because they are just so perfect for each other. But, far from this making you happy for them, this just adds huge amounts of pressure and unrealistic expectations. By the time it's your turn to take a little, all of the hype has built up so much in your head that you can't even sleep starting a month or so before recruitment.
That's how it was for me. I felt the pressure weeks before recruitment started. To make things even more intense, I have one of those amazing relationships with my big. She was my first choice, and (as far as I know!) I was hers. Our family is extremely close, and almost everyone is still involved somehow. So, I had big dreams of taking a Little who would be my new best friend and the next best thing to a real little sister. She would go to me for everything and would be the newest member of our amazing family. We would all live happily ever after.
In reality, however, I am NOT the type of person to make instant friends. Quite the opposite. I am very socially awkward, I would much rather spend my night watching Netflix, and I have an unhealthy obsession with Harry Potter. I cringe at the thought of being the one to make plans, and that's basically the idea of taking a Little: asking the New Members to get dinner, coffee, etc. to get to know them. Recruitment was nerve-wracking for me; all I could focus on was worrying about who, out of the hundred-or-so PNMs, would be my Little. I am great at asking people about themselves, so recruiting girls for my sorority was no problem, but actually making friends was a different story.
I distinctly remember meeting the girl who would be my Little. During recruitment, we were paired up. Within five minutes, she said hi to three or four sisters in the room, and I remember thinking "Well, she already has friends, so she doesn't need me." And, that was that. She was ruled off the list. We didn't talk again for the rest of recruitment or Bid Day. I didn't give her a chance, because I didn't think she would give me one.
Instead, I set my sights elsewhere. I awkwardly went through dinner after dinner with some (wonderful) New Members, whom I eventually made friends with. But, there was no instant connection. I felt like a failure because I had not lived up to the stories I had been told about the Big/Little pairs of yesteryear, or even the relationship I had with my Big. I didn't even pay attention to the conversation I had one night with my future Little, where I gave her advice (a very Big-ish thing to do).
So, when I got the phone call from the New Member Educator about who my Little would be, I was very surprised by whom I got. I didn't know how to react, so I thanked the NME, and hung up. I was with two of my friends, and they were just as stunned as I was.
It took me about five minutes to realize that, whether I was surprised or not, I had unknowingly made a commitment to this person the second I put my name on the Big List. Even if we never had the connection that my big and I had, I would do my best to be a good big, because that was what everyone deserved. We might never be best friends, but I would try my hardest to make her experience as a New Member meaningful. So, I messaged my new little and (awkwardly) asked her to get dinner.
I think that was the most nervous I have ever been to go to dinner with someone whom I wasn't dating. But, I realized quickly that I should have given this girl a chance a long time ago. She and I have the same major, like similar music, and enjoy the same activities. As soon as she told me she named her car after a Harry Potter character, just like I did, I knew that she was the perfect Little.
From then on, I have never wanted anyone else as my Little. I spent all of my time making her the perfect basket for reveal, and I have to say that Big/Little reveal was one of the most amazing memories I have of being in Gamma Phi. Now we hang out all the time, and take more selfies together than I care to admit.
She isn't the person I thought I would have as my Little. I imagined having a quiet, needy freshman who would lean on me and expect me to teach her everything about everything. Honestly, there wasn't really anyone like that that we recruited. But, even if there was, they wouldn't have been my Little. She is independent, loyal, funny, a bit sassy, and an amazing friend. She is always there for me when I need her, and I try to do the same for her. We compliment each other really well.
I think the important thing that I realized is that a lot of people put way too much pressure on Big/Little relationships. Not everyone will have the instant connection that people brag about to others. When you stress too much about having that connection, you might miss out. I am so proud to call her my Little, and I wouldn't trade my experience for the world.
