About seven or eight years ago, I made a commitment to wait to have sex until I get married, and when I made that decision, my parents gave me a ring as a visual reminder of that choice. Since then, a second ring has joined the first. I received it for my 16th birthday, and it was supposed to replace the old one, but I am too sentimental, so I wear them both. (Of course, because they are both on my ring finger, my purity rings are sometimes confused for wedding rings and some people assume that I am married.)
Over the years, I have gone through different stages of growing up when it comes to the whole sex thing.
When I was younger, I'll be honest, the thought of it all rather grossed me out, and I did not think I would have a problem at all, whatsoever, with waiting to have sex. Then, progressively I grew up and slowly started to understand more and more, as to why it was such a big deal to wait or not wait, and why the idea of having sex is so attractive. Sometimes it seems as if people make a bigger deal out of it than it actually is, but the truth is, it is a big deal. It’s a big deal because you are giving away a part of yourself that you can’t get back.
Even still (now that I understand better), keeping my commitment, and wearing those rings has become more than just me wanting to "protect" myself, physically and emotionally, or just doing it to "keep some promise" that I have made.
I discovered that I want to wait to have sex for more than not wanting extra emotional baggage if I have sex with just anyone, or the wrong someone. I discovered that I want to wait to have sex for more than me just not wanting to become pregnant at a young age, or get a disease that I could have avoided if for some reason I had unprotected sex.
I want to wait to have sex because I want the person that I share that special bond with to be someone that I get to wake up next to; that the only reason he will not be there beside me in the morning is because of something work related or another matter that cannot be ignored.
I want to wait to have sex with the man who will stand by me in good times and bad, and not just because he feels like he has to, but because he wants to. I want to stand beside someone who deserves my heart, and respects me, and my body in every way, someone who knows that he does not own me, and that I am not an object nor a toy.
I want to have sex with the man who is committed, to me, and to our relationship.
I want to know him, really know him, and trust him, and I long for that trust to be mutual before we connect in that kind of physical way. I know that in the waiting, it will build a firm foundation for a good relationship, a healthy marriage, and make us stronger individually, and before we become parents.
Sometimes it might cross your mind to give in, and give someone sex even if you are not in a relationship, maybe in hopes that doing so will keep that person from leaving.
But it won't.
I promise you it won't. Even if it keeps them around for a little while longer, doing something like that will not keep them around forever. Nothing will make someone stay when they already have it set in their mind to leave, and if they leave, it is not because you aren't good enough, because you didn't give them what they wanted. Sometimes people do not realize what they have until it is gone, and they leave because they think they can find "greener pastures."
So, say you won't give him sex, and he decides to leave you because he wants sex more than he wants you. Why should you try to force him to stay by giving him what he wants, when it is not really you that he wants?
Let him go. There are far better things ahead, brave heart. You deserve more than someone who wants to sleep with just anyone. One day he will realize that a connection of the mind and/or heart is a rare thing to find, indeed, and there is no one else in this world like you.
You have this way about you, my dear, The world is fascinated by your light, you make their day simply by your presence entering a single moment of their lives. You astonish those whose lives you enter, just by being you. You're a rock star, you're going to do great things, and you already are.
Don't ever doubt that; wait for what you deserve, even if the wait is long and hard.