Right now, as I type, I am sitting on, literally, a pile of cash. Earned from my well paying job, with great dental, optical, and health coverage. I'm currently in my two bedroom apartment that I can easily afford, with the air conditioners blasting cool air throughout the apartment as I sit next to my open window for fresh air.

I am a Millennial.

I could easily afford a 2+ bedroom house. I could afford a new car, and diamonds. Oh yes, I could afford so many diamonds, because I am well paid for my efforts within my company. I make so much money. Sometimes I burn it for no reason.

It's not just me either. All of my friends are well paid. We make careers out of convincing old people that the economy isn't doing too well and complaining about it online as we all sit back and laugh about how we're crippling the housing market by refusing to own homes. Even the strangers we meet on the street are like this. I'm not quite sure how it started, probably as a meme, we love our memes. Before we knew it, we were all in on this gigantic joke. Convince the previous generations that the economy is bad while we cripple their favorite institutions.

We can totally afford to shop at the mall, too. We just don't, we're trying to get them all shut down because they remind us of our awkward teenage years. Basically what previous generations did with drive in theaters. Burn those memories to the ground.

Yes, we occasionally work in low paying fields, but mostly we make teenagers do that. We only come in during school hours to make your food. Mostly to keep up appearances. We don't actually need those jobs.

*Maniacal Laughter*

We've even gotten other generations in on this. Robert Reich? Yeah. He's with us. We're all laughing at you as we text from our phones that we bought brand new and definitely not used from some upper middle class white guy on craigslist.

We scoff at thrift stores. It's actually become a rule now. If you pass one, you must "scoff" in it's general direction. We would never be caught dead in a place like that to purchase affordable second hand clothing at more than reasonable prices.

Oh, and we don't actually eat Ramen Noodles all the time. Are you kidding? We would end up with hyper-tension and coronary diseases. No way. We just say that to make you feel bad about educational costs. Really, we can afford to do anything.

We don't just listen to the car make funny noises for months on end. Pffftttt. No, we take our vehicles in for routine maintenance basically whenever we've finished binge watching another Netflix series.

Also, we literally own Facebook. So please leave.

We definitely don't wear the same clothes for days on end to save money on "laundry expenses". Nah, sometimes I even wash clean laundry just to see how clean I can really get it.

Oh, and we don't skip meals to save money. We buy the best produce and enjoy randomly chucking organic apples in the trash. It's like basket ball but more fiscally irresponsible.

So yeah. That's why we don't buy diamonds, houses or new cars. We totally could, we just choose not to, for literally no other reason than to mess with the economy.

Of course we're getting bored with that so next we're going to stop using cars all together. We can totally afford the gas and maintenance, but we're looking to really cripple the economy, so sacrifices must be made, Janice.