Before I go off on my weekly 500+ word rant, I want to make a few things clear. I understand that this topic, when handled badly, can be very hurtful to a lot of people, so I’ll try my best to be as sensitive as possible and give this issue the attention and treatment that it deserves. I’m also fully aware that, surprisingly, I’m not Grace Helbig or Gabbie Hanna from Vine. I’m an internet columnist; I’m at the very bottom of the Internet food chain, right behind the “a:f6” guy, so I’ll never be able to provide the commentary that they did, but I can try my best. Lastly, I won’t be referring to the author of the “Dear Fat People” video by name, because I don’t want to give her any more press than she already has. That’s why I hid her face on the title card. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s talk about the video!

If you haven’t seen the video, don’t. It’s a complete waste of time. So, I’ll do my best to summarize it for you. The author basically goes on a rant about how fat shaming doesn’t exist and that obese people are using it as an excuse to pursue unhealthy lifestyles. She goes on to say “Are you going to say that your doctor is mean or fat-shaming you when he tells you you have f*cking heart disease?” and just spew out really mean comments toward pretty much every single minority you can think of. She defended her video by saying it was satirical, just intended to be funny, and she has the right to practice her free speech. God, I wish I could swear on the Odyssey…

Now let’s get the most obvious thing out of the way: the fact that the author is just a bully. She just can’t relate to her audience even on a basic level, she was basically, I imagine, born with a silver spoon in her mouth. She isn’t fat, or black, or gay, or anything but spoiled and ignorant. She’s no different than the bullies who used to steal our lunch money or call us names when we were kids. Actually, if I could talk directly to her target audience, she’s no different than the bullies that used to call you fat or disgusting when you were kids, or maybe the YouTube trolls who are still doing that, because some people are just awful. So don’t let her claims that she loves you or is worried about you, fool you.

I’m not even offended by the fact that she defended freedom of speech but blocked the comments section of the video. I just thought that was hilarious, to be honest. When I talk to a friend or family member who has different opinions than mine, or a reader who disagrees with what I write on the Odyssey, I don’t cover my ears and ignore them. I do the exact opposite, actually. I listen to their points of view, compose a response and see what they have to say. That’s how debates work. I have a few friends who literally advocate for every political opinion I despise, and it allows for some of the most incredible conversations I’ve ever had. If the author really believed in free speech, as she claims she does, she should know that it goes both ways. If she doesn’t allow for fruitful debate, that makes her nothing more than a hypocrite.

But, to me, that isn’t even the thing that pissed me off the most. I could understand the bullying and the hypocrisy because that’s just how some people are. What infuriated me the most was that the author tried to pass this horrible video off as comedy. Coming from a guy who loves to laugh, the video just wasn’t funny. The author failed to deliver on a very basic, aesthetic level, because hate and bullying isn’t funny. She didn’t offer any unique perspective or witty observation, she used jump cuts as an excuse to save on memorizing lines and her jokes were so lazy that she couldn’t even achieve what should’ve been the most important part of the video: to make the audience laugh and think.

I’ve heard that there’s no such thing as bad press, and there certainly is a certain amount of truth to that, but if everyone on the Internet is coming together to fight against hate and intolerance, that has to mean something to the author. To quote another internet celebrity, “that’s basically Lex Luthor knocking on Superman’s apartment door and going, ‘Listen, I know we have our differences, but we’ve got to get rid of that a–hole in apartment 3B.’ ” So, I guess we can thank the author, because it’s amazing that, whether we’re gay, straight, fat, skinny, disabled or not, we can all get together to unanimously say: this video is absolute garbage.