Upon being hired by Odyssey, I was told that no topic is off limits. So here we go. Last week, I ventured into a sex shop for the first time and left disgusted, disappointed and yet still mildly amused.

A friend's birthday was coming up and I wanted to get them this one specific gift, so the only place I thought I could get it was a sex store. So I venture into a sex store for the first time. With my 19th birthday around the corner, I'm surprised I didn't go in one sooner just for the kick of it. So I stumble into this store and the thing is you can never tell how these places are going to be because the windows are normally blacked out. My expectation was that this place would be super seedy. To my surprise, it was actually kind of nice.

You walk in and you see a panel of screens in the back just like you'd see at Victoria's Secret with the company name on it. To your right, female tops and bottoms. Just like Victoria's Secret. Nothing out of the ordinary. To my surprise, one of the workers informed me that they get their clothing from the same distributor as Victoria's Secret. It is just under a different name, but that allows them to sell virtually the same exact stuff at the lower price. So essentially, this sex shop was just like a Victoria's Secret that also just so happens to offer a wide selection of dildos to your left. Both also have the world's worst background music playing at all times.

After taking in the atmosphere I approach one of the workers. She asks if I need help finding anything. I take a deep breath before saying, "Listen, I'm just gonna put this bluntly. Do you sell butthole chocolates?"

"Butthole Chocolates?" She responds.

"Yeah, you know like chocolate shaped like an a**hole.".

She told me she wasn't sure if they had that, but offered an alternative selection of chocolates.

I looked and said, "So you have nipple, penis and vagina chocolates, but no butthole chocolates?" She told me she really wasn't sure and said I could ask the manager.

So I approached the front desk as the manager stocked condoms and pretended to ignore me for 5 or so minutes. After she asks if I need help with anything, I say, "Yeah, I asked your worker over there a question and she directed me to you. Do you sell butthole chocolates?"

She responds, "No, but we have these," showing me the same chocolates.

"Yeah, she showed me those already but thanks."

I begin my disappointed Charlie Brown walk out of the store, but then the worker from before stopped me and said: "hey sir!"

I turned around confused and semi-hopeful chocolates had appeared.

"We have Mac-A-Weenie and cheese if you'd like some."

I officially lost my cool at this point and burst out laughing! She handed me the absurd packaging for the brilliantly titled food before saying

"Yeah, I'll buy like five or six boxes at a time and feed it to my family so I can tell them to eat a d*ck."

Let's be honest. Isn't that the greatest thing you never needed to see?! That ladies and gentleman was my first time in a sex store and the beginning of The Quest. The Quest for Butthole Chocolates.

You're probably wondering why I would get a friend that for a gift? One, so I could put a card on it that said: "Reminded me of you." Secondly, because they would be hungry enough to eat them one day and I'd never let them live that down.

Don't be shy to tell me it's a great idea. I love compliments.