Going off for college can be an incredibly difficult transition, and all too often we don't realize it is so much more than getting a little homesick. I wrote this for my brother, who needs me the most right now. To older siblings, listen to your younger siblings. They could be trying to tell you something. You may make the difference.

To my little brother,

I love you. It’s been hard to watch you grow up. It’s strange to come home to a varsity cross-country runner, and not to the little boy who loved Spider-Man but couldn’t properly pronounce “goblin.” The same one who ran around the house in a muscle suit, and always wanted to tag along when I went to go play. My brother, who I would fight with for time on the PlayStation, or always tried to beat me to shotgun. You text me every week or so to tell me about some dramatic altercation with mom and dad, or to talk about some girl who took you for granted. I remember the first girl you came to tell me you had a crush on—well, not her,—but the look on your face. You were elated. The same look you had when you told me about your first girlfriend in high school. I’ve always felt so happy that, even though I live over a hundred miles away, you still want to tell me everything. Even the things you want to keep from our parents. I know that means you trust me, and that you know, deep down under that angst-filled exterior, that I care.

I love you. I watched you take your first steps. I read you books and explained your homework. I went to all your soccer practices and games before you decided you’d rather run without a ball at your feet. But my job was always so much more than being a teacher and companion. I’m your older sister, and it's always been my job to protect you. So, that’s what I always did my best to do. My first fistfight was to protect you. I broke that kid’s nose for daring to touch you. I took the fall for some things so mom and dad wouldn’t punish you. I even had to tear you and your own twin apart to keep you two from hurting each other too badly. What I never, ever, wanted to do was see you fight something I couldn’t protect you from: yourself.

I love you. When I told you about my hospitalization, I did so for a reason. You deserved to know that there was something wrong with me, because I always wondered if the same thing was wrong with you. Now, I fear I was right. I didn’t write this as a massive “I Told You So” (although, one might be in order), but to tell you what you wouldn’t listen to. You should know that you are my brother, and that means that no matter what, I’m here for you. I’m your sister. I will always protect you, even if you end up growing to be over a foot taller than I am and pick me up for fun. No matter how far away I am, no matter the time, no matter the reason: I will always answer. That’s what I do, right?: Make sure that you will always be safe and loved.

I love you. Baby brother, the only thing in this world that I can’t protect you from is yourself and your choices. But know that, despite my inability to protect you, I will always try to have your best interests at heart. No matter how bleak the world may seem, or how alone you feel, you are never truly alone. You will always have me. That being said, what I do is not because I want to get you in trouble, but because I’ve been where you are. Except, those days, I didn’t have the people I needed to guide me, so that is what I’m trying to do every time I see you. I’m trying to guide you. I don’t want you to make the same mistakes I’ve made thus far. I don’t want to see you struggle the way I did. You should know that you don’t have to. You are so very loved. And yes, sometimes I’m going to get on your nerves. And yes, we are going to bicker and pick on each other, but I will always love you (even if you don’t like me very much sometimes).

I love you. Just call me, please. I may be far away but I will always make it to you. I will always get there some way. You don’t have to face this on your own. You seem to have the idea in your head that you always have to be strong, or that you always have to be perfectly happy. That is so far from the truth. You are allowed to be sad, angry, hurt, and depressed. You are allowed to cry, yell, or punch something. There are a million healthy ways to express these feelings, and if you don’t want to be public about it, you don’t have to. You can always call me, even if you think it’s stupid. If no one else in the world will listen, you should know I will without judgment or comparison. Since the day you were born, I was there to protect you from the world, but you have to let me help. You are not alone, and I promise this won’t last forever. It will not always feel this terrible. I understand how hard that is to believe sometimes, but it is true. You’ll find the things that bring you real joy. That’s all I really want for you.

Again, I love you. Always remember that.