In case you don't know what a promise ring is, allow me to give you a quick definition. Heads up, it's exactly what it sounds like. A promise ring is a token of affection in the form of jewelry given between couples, prior to engagement, which symbolizes a "promise" that they will one day marry one another. These are generally exchanged among high school and college couples. In my experience, these gifts tend to be given around the six-month mark of a relationship.
So, what's wrong with that?
Did you notice anything fishy while reading that description? That is, doesn't a promise ring claim to make the same covenant as an engagement ring? Well, it does and it doesn't. Promise rings mimic the ceremony of getting engaged in that both are making a promise of marriage.
However, I want to challenge that promise rings perhaps deride a real engagement and mislead couples in their understanding of commitment. I'm not married, but I know that nothing is set in stone until you say "I do" at the altar. Engagements break off all the time. Couples, who have given one another promise rings, sometimes split. Yet, when couples become engaged, things happen. Wedding plans are thrown together. The bride searches for a perfect venue and the families get involved in mailing invitations, etc.
Promise rings are for couples who aren't planning on getting married soon, yet the symbols carry a hefty promise that they one day will. How do I know this is true? Because, if those couples were ready to get married, they would have gotten, ya know, actual engagement rings. The growing trend of exchanging promise rings among my peers has me worried that young people don't fully understand real commitment.
In Ecclesiastes 5:5, the Bible says, "It is better not to make a vow than to make one and not fulfill it." Even most non-believers would agree with this statement. Think back to the last time someone didn't follow through on a promise with you. Something said flippantly like, "Yeah, let's get lunch this Friday for sure!" and then when it isn't carried through, can sting a little. Why? Breaking a promise is lying. It's foolish to "swear" that you will follow through on something, when you aren't aware of what might happen in the future to thwart your plans.
An engagement ring says, "We are getting married soon. This is true love, and I am taking steps to make you become my husband/wife." Likewise, a wedding ring says, "We have made a promise before God and all our friends and family to stay together, for better or for worse. This ring symbolizes that I will not leave you. I will take care you." But a promise ring? A promise ring says, "I really like/love you, and I really want to get married one day. I can't make that happen yet, or I would have proposed and made a real commitment. But I like you, doggone it. Enjoy this pitiful symbol which falls short of the real deal."
When couples give each other promise rings, they delude themselves into thinking that they have a concrete commitment. After all, it's in the name, isn't it? Their partner has "promised" to marry them. Listen closely, my overly romantic comrades: if your boyfriend or girlfriend was actually ready to marry you and 100% certain that they wanted to do so...they would have proposed. You would be excitedly making wedding plans rather than continuing the relationship as though nothing has changed (because it hasn't). Isn't that a little scary to think that boys and girls are making promises to each other when they don't know what the next few years entail and probably haven't been dating long enough to be engaged?
I caution you to place more value in promises. Promises deserve to be kept. Don't make a vow to follow through on something you are not certain of. Especially concerning a choice as paramount as choosing a partner in marriage. Don't ruin the excitement you'll have when you actually get proposed to by tainting the idea now! If you're used to promises being lax vows that can be broken upon convenience, do you think you will appreciate being engaged and married as much as you otherwise would? This is the problem with promise rings.
Get a ring pop instead. They're delicious and will never lie to you.
