The concept of ghosting someone is quite sad to think about, yet most of us have been there in one way or another. When you ghost someone, you pretty much cut off all forms of communication with them with no explanation. You ignore their texts, Snapchats, Facebook messages, calls – pretty much every form of communication there is until eventually, they give up and stop contacting you. Ghosting doesn’t usually refer to going on an awkward date with someone from Tinder and never speaking to them again. Many times, people are ghosted by the ones they care about the most, making the process even more devastating. Perhaps you were best friends with a person and they just tossed you away like it was no big deal. Or maybe you went on several dates and felt a genuine connection with a person, only for them to never call or text you again. The truth is, as common as ghosting is, it has damaging effects on both parties involved.

It’s fairly obvious as to why people who are ghosted are negatively affected. This person that you cared about so deeply has just left you without warning. They ignore your texts and calls, like you’re some annoying parasite they can’t wait to get rid of, despite the fact that things seemed to be going okay. You somehow internalize it and think it’s your fault they left. You beat yourself up for something that isn’t your fault; how could you change your behavior if you weren’t even aware of it? Some people get ghosted so often that they build a wall around their heart and don’t let people in easily because they’re scared of getting abandoned without warning by someone they love.

What about the person doing the ghosting? Well, there can be a variety of reasons as to why one person no longer wants to be associated with another. We can’t control our feelings and sometimes, relationships are toxic and unhealthy for us. Instead of confronting the person and being honest about the fact that you wish to end the relationship, many people just disappear because let’s be honest – nobody likes conflict.

This behavior negatively impacts us, since we don’t confront our problems. Facing your problems will actually reduce your anxiety since there won’t be as many unanswered questions hanging over your head, whereas leaving your problems (or relationships) won’t solve anything and just add more anxiety, guilt, and stress.

Ghosting people is so common, yet extremely hurtful for everyone involved. Instead of simply disappearing, people should be honest about their feelings. Sometimes, this allows for the relationship to be salvaged and for both people to grow. Other times, it is a relationship that isn’t meant to last, but I promise that people would rather know why someone stopped talking to them instead of just wondering why they left.

So, next time you want to ghost someone, talk to the person and be honest about your feelings—you’ll both feel better in the end.